Sun | Oct 25, 2020

Something New with Someone New: Talk the Walk on Love

Published:Monday | February 18, 2019 | 2:17 AM

We’ve all heard the saying, ‘action speaks louder than words’ before, but how many of us talk the talk and actually walk the walk, when it comes to affairs of the heart? Welcome to Something New with Someone New.

If you’re just joining me, let me fill you in: I made lemonade out of heartache, and over time, found a refreshing connection. That crossover carried along with it, eye opening discoveries, like expression and communication. These top factors are closely associated with love languages. The concept created by Gary Chapman, explores five types: gifts, acts of service, quality time, physical touch and words of affirmation.

Surprise Interview

I recently had the pleasure of interviewing a lovely married couple, and it's amazing the insight you can garner when you least expect it. I asked them both, how they expressed affection, and the wife went straight to it. According to her, the language of choice is quality time, no matter the occasion. While for her husband, he is all about act of service. The two share affection in their respective ways, making the compromise of speaking fluently in the other’s language, a work in progress.

While this couple was uber adorable with their rationale and the epitome of love goals, I began to wonder:

(a) How many of us out there know our love language or the love language of our partner? For those who are up to speed with their love language, way to go! That means you are in a greater position to take one step closer to love, because you are emotionally aware of your love dialect. If you haven't considered a love language, let me invite you to make a reasonable self evaluation and find the truth. This could be the epiphany you have been waiting on to positively pave the way forward.

(b) Are we egocentric by nature or selfless by nurture within our unions? Uncovering your love language will determine what you're willing to give, but more importantly, what you would like to receive from a relationship. If you and your new love aren't on the same speaking terms, wants and needs may tip the selfish scale outweighing the good of your bonding experience. Try to be open to the off beat of your melody: the variety might be creating mind-blowing sounds of music.

Closer to home

So, confession time: I don’t think I ever gave love languages any real thought, not until this guy came along. He asked me what my particular language was, because he wanted to get a better understanding about my lingo in love. When I told him words of affirmation, he wasn't surprised - it fits perfectly with the writer in me. He is a man of physical touch and that didn't come across as a bombshell either. So once he's around, there's no escaping the warmth of his secure hugs or the chills and goosebumps exuded, due to his gifted hands. And on the flip side, I'm a huge fan and his biggest cheerleader, sharing words of encouragement and motivation in just about every facet of his life.

With this knowledge exchange, we are also able to better communicate, especially in times of need. The remedy to a bad day or week is found in the gentle and soothing caress, relaying the message that everything will be okay. And sometimes all that is required to conquer a frown is a light reminder that you are still wearing that regal crown and you got this.

To sweeten the deal, in terms of ‘linguistic hierarchy’, he ranks physical touch first and words of affirmation second, while I operate in the reverse, placing words of affirmation as number one and physical touch in the number two. Based on this rating, although our primary languages differ, our stimulating similarity arising in the secondary makes for an exciting connection. We are able to communicate effortlessly and reach a state of compromise comfortably. Like the prime time couple, I too believe that we have good way to go and there is always room for improvement. So until then, we’ll continue to enjoy learning and growing as we talk in bilingual tongues and walk in amorous bilateral relations together.