Mon | May 27, 2019

Knight in shining armour?

Published:Monday | April 15, 2019 | 12:23 AM

So a queen adjusts her crown, holds her head high, and struts into this diverse world with an ultra-chic sexy confidence. Only to stumble upon a man, appearing with good intentions, but who is actually the masked villain of her love story, set to breaking down her dignified wall, one brick at a time. No, this isn’t a fairy tale, it is a sad reality that so many women face daily. Unlike books, it usually doesn’t have a happy ending, but you can change that outcome by reading in-between those lines and paying close attention to your chapters.

There is always a reason for his action. One rationale might be that he’s emotionally unavailable. An emotionally unavailable man is one who may seek the comfort of companionship but doesn’t have the time or energy to truly dedicate to matters of love. Many men are in denial of this fact, so if he admits this, don’t take it lightly. A man who does guard his heart may inadvertently cause more harm than good, especially to a woman who is giving her all from start to finish. Once you have progressed from the happy stages of your relationship, here are a few major signs to look out for if he is indeed on the inaccessible side of passion and amorous desire:

n Anger is no stranger: This negative emotion doesn’t have to be directed towards you. In fact, this expression may commence externally with strangers, co-workers, family members, or friends before making its way to you. If you discover the frequency increasing, then this could be the start of verbal or even physical abuse. You’re not the problem, he is.

n Predator alert: Once predator comes into motion, people think sexual. But these Jedi mind tricks go much deeper than that, to the point of controlling and invasion of privacy. So if he is constantly preoccupied by your whereabouts and your movements to the point of obsession, or has this great need to see every message, call, or email with the outside world, has zero intentions of sharing information about himself, and is secretive about his actions, then he isn’t a potential or actual boyfriend, he is a predator who is making you his prey.

n Lacklustre with happy moods: Have you ever found yourself in the happiest of moods and when you decide to share it with your special mister, he finds this magical way of making it his stamping ground? That’s a classic case of ‘The Grinch who stole Christmas’, which needs to be addressed and assessed quickly. Also worthy of note is the flipside. You’re having the worst day and he cannot find anything comforting or encouraging to say. Instead, he ditches the notion of really listening to you and adds salt to your wound.

n Zero chill versus cheap thrill: He appears to be nonchalant or non-committal about his feelings, particularly towards you. He avoids giving you platonic attention but hold an insatiable sexual appetite. His need for female flesh, not yours specifically, but it will do, (he could have a wandering set of eyes) and his willingness to take every moment to fulfil his naughtiest desire is not only evident, but prevalent. Of course, you tag along for the ride, but be aware of his approach in the bed, bath, and beyond department. Is he a selfish or a selfless lover?

ANOTHER TAKE

There is, however, another way of viewing emotional unavailability. Maybe he was so scarred by his past and he hasn’t got over that heartless hurdle. He might be suffering from abandonment issues from guardians or family members and that has somehow shaped his questionable approach towards women. It could be that he starts out guarded because he simply doesn’t trust as quickly or as easily as others.

There’s caution, lost hope and a thin line between the two. So if the union is still in its primitive stages, then it may be too early to call. Your knight in shining armour may be the one needing to be emotionally rescued. You have a choice, you can either be steady in your confidence, consistency and persistency, setting the relationship tone to save the day for both of you. Or he can remain the bad guy of your story, and possibly shatter your heart and the hearts of other women after you. You know what they say: to love is to risk. And if or when he is ready, he may drop his guard down, for himself and for you. Are you feeling lucky?

krysta.anderson@gleanerjm.com