Fri | May 24, 2019

Peace of Mind

Published:Monday | April 22, 2019 | 12:18 AM

Expressing sincere sentiments, English singer, songwriter, record producer, and philanthropist, George Michael, once said, “You’ll never find peace of mind until you listen to your heart.” This was something I never thought I could achieve, particularly when it comes to love: peace of mind.

When I hear the term peace of mind, words like serenity, calmness and freedom immediately follow suit. But that never seemed to bear fruit in my life. Now, I know persons have an issue with bringing up sour grapes. And yes, while everything is currently sweet as wine, it’s good to know where you’re coming from so you can know where you want to go, and more important, prevent yourself from repeating the same mistakes.

I made a conscious effort after my last failed relationship to stay single for a while. I will be the first to admit that single life was never the best fit for me. It felt constricting rather than liberating, and only a new love interest could truly set me free. After all, that was the pattern – once one chapter ended, I almost immediately started another, trying my very best to right my previous wrongs and pick a better partner. But I never healed from any of the heartache. And I found that my ‘cuckoo for cocoa puffs’ ways of desire would unexpectedly rear its ugly head. I couldn’t seem to understand why I was always attracting all drama – what ‘shook’ me even more was the fact that I would wade and wallow in the tear-jerker, beyond its climax.

I kept thinking that the problem present was in direct correlation with my exes. But after doing some soul-searching and careful self-evaluation, I came face to face with the sad reality: while my choice in men was questionable and they might have been the wrong type, they were all still very different and I was the common denominator in this math equation. That was definitely the toughest pill I have ever had to swallow.

My Philosophy

This is it: there is absolutely no way for you to have complete control over every moving part of your life. Here’s my philosophy on that note: you were born into your family, you can’t help that neither can you change it. Unless they affect you day to day, hit the ignore button at all costs. Work is a different story. That’s your bread and butter. Friends are a dime a dozen, some stay for a lifetime while others outlive their seasons – let them be. But, you see, the love of your life, he or she is a choice. You chose to date, form a unique bond and build a life with your partner. And when the going gets tough, he or she doesn’t see your value and you’re not worth it anymore, you can leave. Let me repeat: you can leave. If your significant other decides to pull the plug, you don’t have to resuscitate, you can let go – with time and healing.

So many persons overstay in a relationship because of time served. But this isn’t a prison sentence, so why are you punishing yourself? Contrary to popular belief, it is never too late to start over. Trust me. I was victim to this belief until I woke up and sniffed the sweet flavour of brewing coffee. And that was when I achieved true peace of mind.

I really reconnected with myself and was ok with being alone, because I didn’t feel lonely. It was when I least expected it that this guy found me. And only then was I able to truly appreciate thought-provoking dialogue outside the box, kind gestures, and eye-opening sacrifices. Since our journey into the abyss of the great unknown, I’ve experienced an enchanting peace of mind like no other. Of course, there is that little voice in your head that expects disappointment, but without fail, he shatters that notion by showing up, by being supportive, by being reassuring and by communicating ahead of time if things aren’t necessarily going according to plan. What more could I ask for?

So I guess the moral of the story is this: peace of mind has to start from within before it can exude into other areas of your life, including matters of the heart.

krysta.anderson@gleanerjm.com