Mon | Sep 23, 2019

Setting Independence resolutions

Published:Monday | August 5, 2019 | 12:13 AM

All the women who are independent, wave your hand in affirming this fact.

So many are still condemned to servitude, particularly within the confines of their relationships. Knowingly or ignorantly, whenever a need is lacking, or in some cases, kindness is extended, this is seen as weakness in the eyes of the opposition. Strength then comes as a result of the provision of such void. And thereby exposes control and the harsh realities of dependency. To this, we say break the cycle.

We’ve all heard talks about making new year’s resolutions, and while there is some merit to starting anew as the clock strikes midnight, why hasn’t anyone thought about having an independence resolution?

For Independence Day, instead of just celebrating a historic milestone with national pride, you could pay homage to your ancestors by seeking to follow in their wise footsteps. In case you’re unaware, or in denial, here are a few ways some fall prey to their predators masked as partners.

FINANCIAL

So you look to your lover to pay all your bills, expenses and miscellaneous, either because you just don’t have it or you want to save your own money. Sounds like a great plan until you begin to hear dictation in the form of when, where and how that money given to you should be spent. Nobody wants that. So start off small by taking on the lighter finances on your own and then tackle the bigger ones, learning about money management, savings and investments along the way.

PARENTAL

Shout out to the dedicated fathers out there, but deadbeat dads are a real ordeal. Rather than waiting around for whatever he feels to give, or depend on his money for survival, put yourself in a position to take care of your child by yourself. At the end of the day, your bundle of joy deserves the world, so let your unconditional love propel you to a deeper yearning for success.

There are abandoning moms, too; dads, step up to the plate and be strategic in playing your parental role, your offspring needs you.

TRANSPORT

You’re dropped to, and picked up from, your every destination at your significant other’s (in)convenience. This has been used as a mission to keep tabs on your movements and whereabouts. Ditch the late chauffeur service and explore the adventures of riding the open roads on your own. Otherwise, you can carpool or take a cab.

EMOTIONAL

You love your boo, there’s no denying that. And you wouldn’t mind spending every waking hour with your beloved. But your sweetheart doesn’t have to constantly feed your emotional needs. On the flip side, this could breed habits such as ‘clinginess’ and jealousy. You can exist within a relationship and not let emotional dependency determine your overall happiness. Other cards can play too – like platonic friendships, family connections, hobbies and new experiences – try it and see where those roads take you.

PHYSICAL

Physical presence is amazing, especially if you’re both so in tune, but spending time apart is just as important as time together – life is happening – there are goals out there, so many are working assiduously to accomplish them, there really is no time for 24/7 surveillance. That type of control does something to a person – makes them paranoid and on edge because they’re not free to do or go as they please. Learn to discover your centre and spend some quality time with the best company in the house: yourself.

DOMESTIC

For generations, there has been a stigma attached to household chores and gender roles. A woman must slave for hours in the kitchen, wash the dishes after, do laundry, clean the house, while a man takes out the garbage or sweep the yard. These are modern times, abolish these sides.

Fellas, she doesn’t have to wash, cook and clean for you – if she does so, it’s because she wants to and/or because you don’t. Turn your hand into fashion and help out when you can; after all, she didn’t do any of those things alone, so why should it be solely her responsibility?

SEXUAL

You’re together, swimming in a sea of intimacy, making the most of these sultry, lustful moments. You run the race of romance neck and neck, but before you know it, he picks up his stride, goes the distance and strikes gold! You may see it as his duty to please and satisfy you, but some may argue, every man for himself. So don’t let him make you pull out and not cross the finish line. Take over and apply manual power with only one player: you. You can also ‘toy’ with an electronic third party, if you so desire.

krysta.anderson@gleanerjm.com