Mon | Aug 19, 2019

Dating a Millenial: I’m Scared of Ghosts

Published:Monday | August 12, 2019 | 12:16 AM

Seductive conversations in person open a persuasive portal to a stimulating future. Craving the carnal is met with a spectacular slip of the tongue. And before they know it, bodies draw closer tinto a heated frenzy of fantasy. Blow by blow, they unwrap, unravel, and unearth impulsive longings. A list so long, it takes hours to discover that the lioness on the provocative prowl is an ideal match for this energising, multitalented stallion.

The only horror that has since presented itself is the mere fact that all of a sudden, due to causes unbeknownst to her, she no longer hears from him. Calls go unanswered, texts are blocked and the racy roller coaster of intimacy comes to a complete standstill.

Taunted by insecurities and haunted by an unthinkable outcome, she replays each encounter via all platforms just to see if she could detect a clue for this conflicting cold shoulder. This thief, robbing her of her heart’s desire, disappeared into the darkness of the night, never to show his face ever again. It is for that reason: Sarah is scared of ‘ghosts’.

Ghosting

Ghosting, it seems, has transcended the realm of the supernatural and found its way to the real world. The phenomenon, made increasingly popular among millennials, is often practised during the dating or the ‘getting to know’ stage of a connection. It speaks directly to the disappearance of a possible partner, once he or she is through with chilling or ‘hooking up’.

Oftentimes, the ‘ghost’ either had ulterior motives all along or schemed up this tactic after developing cold feet.

There’s no two ways around it: taking the right turn from ‘Talking Close’ to drive into the direction of ‘Relationship Street’ is no easy feat. But cowering in terror of finding a match and breaking things in the blink of an eye, without warning or explanation, should not be the easy way out either. The fact is, it is downright scary. To experience that ‘poof’ into thin air, knowing that just like that, the guy or girl you once envisioned as your lover no longer exists in your world is soul crushing.

This heinous act can produce harmful emotional effects for the ghosted. One might engage in this ghosting act to avoid their feelings, but in doing so, they’re shattering what little hope many had on humanity and on the possibility of love. High self-esteem is consequently lowered and those who lacked the trait from the get-go become even more damaged and fragile than they were before. They begin to question everything and everyone going forward, including themselves. And instead of embracing a new possible connection, they’ll probably be blind to the idea of it, living a life of misery and loneliness.

Selfishness

And, unfortunately for these ghosts floating in and out of persons’ lives, they are doing themselves more harm than they realise. Wreaking havoc on others just to steer clear of their own fate is selfish. It’s like going through all the training and pulling out of the game for fear of injury.

Missing the blessings to avoid the lessons is no way to live: you stunt your emotional growth by doing that. Yes, you might not be sure, but there’s nothing wrong with that. Life is unpredictable so roll with it. Choosing how to ghost is another trend as there are those who avoid physical interaction altogether, and only pull the plug in the social media sphere. That only exacerbates the situation: a game to you is the feeling of unworthiness to them.

Additionally, repeating this vicious cycle will only manifest deep-rooted feelings of neglect – they won’t know how to address their baggage simply because they’ve done too much damage to others. They would have to return to square one in order to look forward.

So do us all a favour and just leave the ghosting to the afterlife, please and thanks.

krysta.anderson@gleanerjm.com