Ruined by rape!- Predator father rapes sisters; 3-year-old daughter raped by landlord, now mother fears her child has suffered a second sexual assault
She was consistently raped by her father during her formative years, leaving emotional scars that are yet to heal even now when she is a married 52-year-old mother of two.
Her sister was also raped by their father to the point where she started an intimate relationship with him.
The monsters continued to haunt her years later when her three-year-old daughter was raped by a neighbour. Now, Monica* is worried that her daughter, 17, was again sexually assaulted recently.
Although she has suppressed most of the memories of her ordeal, Monica is certain that her father started raping her before she was 12.
"Both my sister and I, we have never spoken about it, but I know that it was also happening with her. I saw him with her on our bed, and in summer, he would take time off from work and he would send us to sleep, me and my brother, and then I knew that he was there with her," said Monica.
finally told her mother
She said she finally told her mother about the abuse when she was 23 years old, and her mother admitted that a female neighbour had also told her that she suspected her husband and her oldest child were in a sexual relationship because she had seen them through a window.
"Our mother did nothing. I don't know why she did nothing. She said the only reason she let him stay is that she didn't want another man to come into the house. She just wanted to make sure that we had both parents. She went through a lot because he was always cheating on her," said Monica.
According to Monica, she has visited several psychiatrists and psychologists to get counselling over the years and is currently taking anti-depressants to deal with the emotional trauma brought on by her abuse. She is comforted by the fact that several other women in Jamaica can relate to her experience.
"Since I have been through counselling, knowing that I am not the only one and so many persons have gone through it, it sort of helps me a little," she said.
Apart from being depressed, Monica has frequent memory lapses and finds it difficult to have sex with her husband of more than 23 years.
"Even now, sometimes with my husband, if he does anything and it feels like what my father feels like, it's like I am going out of my mind. I just keep on saying to myself, 'God, help me, please! Help me!'" she told The Sunday Gleaner.
"I am at the stage now where I don't have feelings for sex," she said.
But at this point, the mother is more concerned about her 17-year-old daughter than she is about her own problems. She has always been overprotective of her two children because she knows from experience that sexual predators are always lurking around, looking for an opportunity to strike. Her daughter was just a toddler when their landlord struck.
"I left her in the house and went to do something around the front of the yard and I heard her scream out, and I said, 'What is that?' I heard her scream again and I ran around same time and asked what happened, and she told me that the landlord was pushing his penis in her vagina ... ," the mother recounted on the verge of tears.
"We went to the rape unit; we went to the children's hospital (Bustamante Hospital for Children), and they told us that she was bruised in the genital area," she said.
The mother said she was told by the landlord that he was checking to see if he was impotent. He eventually went back to live in England shortly after the incident because the police were looking for him.
Monica was hoping that her daughter would forget the terrible ordeal, but in 2013, her daughter told her that she remembered what the neighbour did to her. The mother said her daughter has also been crying a lot recently and has become very depressed.
"I feel that something happened with her with somebody, but she is not telling me. When I try to ask her what happened, she says, 'Mommy', and she would just cry and say, 'Just leave it' or 'Just forget it'," the mother said.
"She has become so depressed. Sometimes it's hard for her to even get up out the bed to go school. She is not doing so well because she hardly ever goes to school. She doesn't want to go to school," said Monica, whose daughter goes to a prominent traditional high school in Kingston.
The distressed mother believes her daughter's sexual exploitation is to be blamed for the teen weighing almost 300 pounds and has suggested she go for counselling. However, her daughter, who went to different counsellors when she was younger, has opposed this suggestion.
"She said she doesn't want to talk to anybody," Monica said.
The mother is now at a loss as to what to do and how to get her daughter to talk. She also laments the fact that families like hers are being ripped apart because of sexual abuse.
"I never knew that so many persons go through these things. The older I get and the more I listen, I realise that it is a lot of us. It's not just me and my sister alone," she said.
* Name changed on request.