Wed | Jan 23, 2019

I have no passion for my wife

Published:Tuesday | September 16, 2014 | 12:00 AM

Q: My wife wants me to take Viagra because I lose my nature whenever I attempt intercourse with her. I know that is not the solution to the problem because I have two other women and I have no problem maintaining an erection with them. In fact, the sex is passionate with them. I cannot tell her about the other women because she would leave me and take our two children. I love the children dearly and they love us. I do not want to break up the marriage. In addition, the other women do not want to harm my marriage. I am able to care for all of them financially. However, I have no passion for my wife and I cannot tell her and it is affecting our relationship. My wife understands to a point because she believes that it is a motorbike accident some three and half years ago that has caused me to lose my nature. Fortunately for me, she is in the Church and she would not cheat on me. Infrequently, she asks me if I have another woman and I deny it. Frankly, I do not want to take any of those pills as I am afraid of them, but something has to give because we have had this problem for three years now. What is the best course of action?

A: Frankly, you come across as very selfish. You are being sexually satisfied outside of the marriage and you will not take a pill so that your wife can experience some sexual intercourse. You should visit your doctor and talk over your fears about these pills. You need to consider the sexual needs of your wife.

You did not state your age, but it could be that your sexual exertions outside of the marriage are sapping your energy and you have nothing left for the home. You should cease your extramarital activities and see if it helps your sexual performance at home.

There are additional reasons for ending those sexual liaisons. You are leading a double life and lying to your wife, which will harm the marriage. You might feel that you are smart by denying having another woman. That is true in a sense because there is not one other, but two others. You are disrespecting yourself, your wife and your children. You should end it forthwith.

You stated that the other women do not want to harm your marriage. What is it that they are doing by their actions? Actions speak louder than words. They could be causing irreparable damage to the marriage. Do the other women know about each other? If they don't, then you are a very deceitful man and it is no wonder you have no passion for your wife. It is possible that guilt is killing your erection. If the other women know about each other, then what type of women are they? Obviously, part of the reason they are in this relationship is for the financial benefits.

Please do not believe that because your wife is in the Church, she cannot be tempted to stray out of sexual frustration. You need to understand that just as how you are providing for your wife financially, you also have a responsibility to cater to her sexual needs. You need to change your lifestyle promptly. Go to her pastor or a marriage counsellor and seek help to save your marriage, even as you heed my advice.