Sat | Sep 22, 2018

The girl isn't mine

Published:Tuesday | September 23, 2014 | 12:00 AM

Q: Recently, I discovered that my favourite child is not mine. I love her dearly. I cared for her when I was living with her mother. When I broke off with her mother, I was a single father for our two children - the girl and a boy. We were a happy family and they did well at school with my daughter excelling. We went on outings and shopped together. Everybody commended me on the way I cared for the children without the help of their mother. A couple years ago, I migrated for a better life with the intention to file for my two children. I left them with my mother and she cared for them. It was when I was in the process of getting them overseas that a DNA test showed that my daughter could not be mine. I was shocked and devastated. I wanted to do over the test to make sure it was correct. I went to the mother and she behaved as if there was no problem. She knew that I was not the father. I was so angry that I walked off and did not even ask her who the father was. Subsequently, I found out that I know the father and he also knew that I was not the father. He is a bum and hustler with no ambition. I still love the child and I would want her to migrate but I am confused and not sure what to do. I have not said anything to my daughter and I'm not sure how to tell her. She has my surname.

A: You should ask the embassy what is the process in your particular situation and consult your lawyer concerning the way forward to have her migrate. You did not mention her age but depending on her age it might be possible. Hopefully, she can migrate.

The mother is cold and insensitive. Obviously, she knew you were not the father and said nothing to you all these years. She also kept this secret from her daughter. You should encourage your ex to have a candid discussion with her daughter including an apology to her and also to you. Perhaps your ex gave you the baby because she thought you would make a better father and she was right. However, the deceit was awful. Obviously, she never thought a DNA test would be done or would be able to discover her dirty little secret.

It might open a can of worms but if your ex will not tell her then you should talk to her before she migrates and ensure she still wants to migrate. You are feeling hurt. Can you imagine how your daughter will feel when she finds out you are not her biological father? You should assure her that you still love her and want to play the role of father. However, she might want to know her biological father. It does not appear that when she finds out about her biological father she would want anything to do with him since he was part of a conspiracy to deceive her.

You are a real man and should be commended for wanting to care for a child who is not yours biologically.