Tue | Sep 25, 2018

DOCTOR'S ADVICE - I'm not generous enough in bed

Published:Saturday | August 30, 2014 | 12:00 AM
  • I'm not generous enough in bed

Q Please, Doc, can you help me with my love life, which is getting pretty confused. I am a guy of 19. Somehow or other, I am currently having sex with three different girls. One of them always orgasm at pretty much exactly the same time as I do. But the other two young ladies do not do it at all.Furthermore, one of them is getting pretty cross with me about the fact that she does not orgasm. She says I should be 'more generous'. But surely, it isn't my fault, is it?

A Look, the first thing I must say is that nowadays it is pretty crazy to be having affairs with three different young women. There are so many sexually transmitted infections (STIs) in today's world that sooner or later you and your girlfriends are probably going to get one. And it could be anything from chlamydia to HIV. Also, by 'running' three girls, you are automatically trebling your chances of starting an unwanted pregnancy. You might even become a babyfather three times over!

Now let me turn to your question about female orgasms. The fact is that many very young women have not yet learned how to orgasm. One of your lady friends is climaxing at the same time as you, but in fact that kind of 'simultaneous orgasm' is quite unusual in your age group.

The other two girls are not orgasming. Indeed, one of them seems to be getting mad at you, and telling you that you are not being 'generous' to her. What she means is that you are not giving her any petting or love play - in other words, clitoral stimulation. You may not have realised this fact, but simply having intercourse is not likely to bring many young women to a climax. Most of them need considerable stimulation of the clitoris as well.

However, I am not proposing to tell you how to bring all of your young lovers to orgasm. My best advice to you is to confine yourself to one girlfriend. This would be a great deal safer for everyone!

  • How will my vagina accommodate a penis?

Q Doctor, I am an 18-year-old virgin student, and I am worried about the entire question of my vagina. I understand from a friend who is a medic that the vagina is only two inches (5 cm) long. If that is so, how on earth could it possibly accommodate the male penis? I am really quite concerned about this, because I hope to start having sex with my boyfriend later this year. In the past, I have done petting with a couple of guys, so I am well aware that the man's organ can be alarmingly big - and far too much for me. Help!

A. Relax. Your friend is a little misinformed. The vagina is much roomier than she thinks.

The famous American researchers Masters and Johnson (M&J) measured the vaginas of 100 women who had never been pregnant. They found that the average vaginal length in a young woman who was not sexually excited was about three inches (7.5 cm).

Family planning doctors often encourage younger women to confirm for themselves that the vagina is as long as that, by simply putting a clean index finger inside. The cervix - which is at the far end of the vagina - can easily be felt, at a distance of about a finger's length. It feels like a soft lump, much like the tip of a nose.

But it is important to realise that as soon as a young woman becomes romantically and sexually excited, her vagina starts to lengthen. Masters and Johnson found that within a few seconds, it becomes around five inches (13 cm) long. In addition to that, they found that the far end of the vagina widens in an extraordinary fashion, expanding to a width of about three inches (7.5 cm). Indeed, M&J described the vagina as 'infinitely distensible', and said that it could enlarge to accommodate the penis of any man in the world. So I don't think you have anything to fret about.

  • Foreskin problems

Q I am a guy of 21, and my sex life is being ruined by the fact that when I am erect, my foreskin just won't roll back. So it remains covering the head of the penis, Doc. This is uncomfortable and sometimes painful. Also, girls think it looks odd, and do not want to go out with me again. So do you think a circumcision operation would help me?

A. Undoubtedly. However, if you check the Internet, you will find that there are quite a few websites which advocate avoiding circumcision by simply doing special exercises that stretch the foreskin. Nevertheless, if I were in your situation, I think I would take the operation.

The best thing now is to see a doctor, and get his opinion on your foreskin. Obviously, he cannot examine your penis when it is erect. But these days, one way round that is to take a photo of it on your mobile phone, thus demonstrating that the foreskin will not roll back - and then show it to him. He will then give you a good advice as to whether the operation is necessary.

  • Too many morning-after pills?

Q I am a teenage girl, and this month I had two real unwise episodes of sex. As a result, I took the 'morning-after pill' twice - once on the Monday, and again on the following Saturday. Fortunately, it worked, and my menses arrived on time. But Doc, have I damaged my health by taking that tablet twice in the same week?

A. Well, repeated use of the 'post-coital pill' is not medically recommended. But you have not damaged your health, and you will be OK. However, I do think that if you are going to continue having sex, you would be wise to get yourself some good long-term method of contraception.

  • Will sex with girls and guys affect my health?

Q I am a 19-year-old guy, and people say that I am handsome. I must admit that in the past year, I have twice had sex with girls - and twice with other guys.  Could this affect my health, Doc?

A I am assuming that you feel that you are bisexual. But it may be that at your young age, your sexuality is still undecided. It would be sensible to try and make your mind up - fairly soon. I think you are asking me whether you could have caught an STI from these four encounters. The answer is yes. So you should have a check-up from a doctor or clinic, including tests for sexual infection. Please bear in mind that statistically, sex with other males is more likely to give you an STI than 'straight' sex is.

Email questions to Doc at saturdaylife@gleanerjm.com and read more in the Outlook Magazine tomorrow.