Doctor's ADVICE: Can a female rape a male?
Q. Doc, is it possible for a female to rape a male? I feel that I have been raped by an older woman. I am a guy aged 18, living in Clarendon. My parents know a lady around their age who lives not too far away, and who has been giving me help with math and English. I've got to admit that she is still attractive - although being so old - but she is not the sort of female I would 'go for'. She is generally kind and nice, except when she gets mad at me. The last time I went there for revision, she showed a very different side to her temperament. Halfway through the lesson, she told me where I was getting hot and sweaty, and she insisted that I go and take a shower. I did what she said. But Doc, while I was in her bathroom drying myself, she suddenly came storming through the door. Pushed me back against the wall. I forgot to mention that she is quite a bit taller and stronger than me. She was just wearing a dressing gown. Well, I did not know what she wanted. But she grabbed my private part and began to rub it very fast. Even though I wanted her to go away and leave me alone, I got an erection. I could not help it. That seemed to drive her wild. She kind of climbed up on me, and forced my organ inside her. She seemed to have been rubbing her pubic area very fast. For the next few minutes, she went to-and-fro on me, until I guess she was satisfied. Doc, I did not discharge. In fact, I was glad when she had finished, and let me go. I put my clothes on, and left as quickly as I could. When I got home, I washed my body thoroughly to get myself clean. That's about it, Doc. I suppose she raped me, and now I don't know what to do, or who to talk to. I feel so guilty.
A: Sorry to hear about this. At the very least, this was a serious sexual assault on a young guy. Unfortunately, you would have some trouble trying to prove that it really happened.
I guess this lady is one of small group of mature females who get their 'kicks' from seducing very young men. What is unusual here is the amount of force which was used. In fact, it sounds like she could easily have injured you.
I am quite sure that you have no need to feel guilty. You were not the instigator of what happened. And by your account, you did virtually nothing during those few minutes of sex.
No one could blame you for getting an erection. It is a well-known fact that if the penis of an 18-year-old male is stimulated by anything at all, it is almost impossible for him to prevent it from getting hard.
I think you did quite right to have a good wash when you got home - though it is most likely that this could stop you getting a sexually transmitted infection (STI). So if you develop any symptoms (like pain in passing urine, or a discharge), you must see a doctor right away. It is not impossible that this strange lady has given you an STI.
What should you do now? I think you should tell your parents, if you feel you could do so. If you cannot, then I suggest you talk with your local minister of religion, or perhaps a youth counsellor. They will help you decide whether to call in the police.
Try to be as calm as you can. Remember: what happened was not your fault. And please: no more 'classes' with this lady!
Q: I am a female, and almost 20. Doc, the biggest worry in my life is that I have never orgasmed during sex. So far, I have tried with a total of six guys over the last few years. I have not climaxed while having intercourse with any of them. The strange thing is that I can do it on my own - whenever I masturbate. So what is wrong with me? And should I kind of 'keep going' until I find a guy who can make me 'come'?
A: Please don't go any further down that road! Your problem is that like a lot of young people, you have the totally mistaken belief that sexual intercourse alone is supposed to make a woman climax.
The fact is that most of the time, it does not. Researchers in the United States have found that the majority of females cannot orgasm from intercourse alone. They need stimulation of the clitoris to make them discharge.
Unfortunately, quite a few young women do what you have done. They go to bed with guy after guy - hoping that the next penis will be the one that makes them orgasm. Alas, this quest is destined to failure.
I hope that you will eventually meet a partner who understands the fairly simple techniques which are needed in order to help a lady to climax. But I beg you not to go on having intercourse with guy after guy in a fruitless search for orgasm.
Email questions to Doc at firstname.lastname@example.org and read more in the Outlook Magazine tomorrow.