Tue | May 23, 2017

Doctor's Advice:Will my girlfriend know I masturbate?

Published:Saturday | December 13, 2014 | 12:00 AM

Q Hi, Doc. I am a 'male virgin', age 18. I have recently been lucky enough to acquire a lovely girlfriend. We have a wonderful time together. We kiss and cuddle a lot but, so far, we have not had sex.

My problem is this. When we eventually go to bed together, will she be able to tell that I masturbate?

I am deeply embarrassed and ashamed about this, but the fact is that I have masturbated regularly since around the age of 14-15.

A. You poor young man! There is absolutely no need for you to feel 'embarrassed and ashamed'. Surveys have shown that the vast majority of teenage boys masturbate. The sex drive is very powerful at that age.

No, your girlfriend will not be able to tell that you have masturbated. And if she is a well-informed young lady, she would probably assume that you have done so. Therefore, you should quit fretting.

Q. Doc, if I go on the Pill, what side effects could I expect to have?

A. There are some rare serious side effects, which I will deal with in this column at a later date.

But most young women who start on the Pill can expect either no side effects, or else only minor and passing ones. The commonest of these are:

Breast tenderness;

Slight headache;

Slight nausea;

'Spotting' of blood between the menses;

Fluid retention ('bloating');

Slight weight gain;

Often, slight increase in bust size.

Despite this list of pretty minor effects, the Pill is really a very good method. That is why literally millions of young women throughout the world are taking it.

Q As a male, I am sometimes puzzled by girls, Doc. So please enlighten me. Do they have as strong a sexual desire as us guys do?

A Well, it is difficult to measure sexual desire in a scientific way because of the fact that there are no measurable 'units of desire'. In other words, you cannot state that (say) Leroy's desire score is seven, while Hyacinth's is only three!

However, in general terms, it is fair to say that the average guy wants sex more than the average girl does. But on the other hand, there is no question that many women can become wildly inflamed by lust - particularly if they really like (or even love) the man.

Also, female desire is affected by past experiences. What I mean is that if a young lady has already experienced really great sex, then she is more likely to be desirous of having the same exciting sensations again.

In contrast, a female who has never had any sexual experiences is unlikely to feel enormous desire. The same is true of women who have only had bad experiences of sex.

An additional factor is that girls are well aware of the fact that if anything goes wrong - in the shape of an unwanted pregnancy - it is they who will have to 'carry the can' (and the baby).

I hope this clarifies things a little for you. If you have any further queries, please email me again.

Q. I am female, age 21, and I have read that women are supposed to be able to orgasm if their breasts and nipples are rubbed.

This makes me feel bad, because I simply don't do that, Doc. Is there something wrong with me?

A. No, there isn't. Research shows that only a tiny minority of women can climax from nipple stimulation alone. Most females simply cannot do this.

However, it is certainly the case that nipple stimulation excites the majority of young ladies and can even help them along the path to orgasm.

Nevertheless, you are perfectly normal, so there is no need to fret.

Q. I had sex with an older woman (age 33) a week ago. And now I feel an itching sensation in my privates.

Have I got sexually transmitted infection (STI), Doc?

A. I don't think so, but you could possibly have some fairly minor infection. At least, I hope it's 'minor'.

Are you talking about itching in your skin - like the skin of the penis? If so, then you could have a little fungus infection. And this could easily be cured with some anti-fungal cream.

On the other hand, it may be that you mean that you are feeling itching or irritation inside your urinary pipe. If that is so, this could perhaps be the first indication of an infection with that nasty little 'bug' called chlamydia.

So all in all, I think it would be best if you went to see a doctor, taking a sample of your urine with you.

Q. Doc, I parted from my last girlfriend in angry circumstances. But now she is threatening to report me to the police, saying that I had anal sex with her!

Surely, that isn't a crime, is it? I am feeling a little concerned because her father is a lawyer - and she says that he is 'supporting' her in this business.

A. Well, anal (rectal) intercourse is still a crime in Jamaican law. And judging by the recent Gleaner opinion poll, it is likely to remain so for quite some time.

In practice, prosecutions of teenage couples are pretty rare. But as this young lady's father seems to be a top attorney, I must say that I think your safest course at present is to consult a lawyer yourself.

Q. Hi, doctor. I am male, aged 20, and I would like your fatherly advice. A young lady in our town seems to be 'hitting' on me. I think she wants a date with me.

That would be nice because she is pretty and fun to be with. But the big problem is this. I strongly suspect that she may be my half-sister!

Do you think it would be OK to date her? What should I do?

A. Well, I presume you suspect that she may be an 'outside child' of your father's - or even possibly of your mother's. If that was true, then it would actually be a crime for the two of you to have sex together.

I suppose you may say that you could date her a few times without having sex. But the fact is then when two hormone-filled young people start going out together, it is highly likely that there will be sexual activity. You might not be able to prevent yourselves from engaging in intimate contact.

For that reason, I feel you should 'steer well clear' of this girl, no matter how attractive she is. You don't want to find yourself committing incest.

There is one possible course of action open to you. Depending on how well you get on with your father, you might be able to talk to him in confidence - and ask him if he is the girl's father. His reply could make matters a lot clearer!

Email questions to Doc at saturdaylife@gleanerjm.com and read more in the Outlook Magazine tomorrow.