Doctor's Advice: How long should a guy last?
Q. Hi, Doc. I am a young guy who does not know much about sex, but I have just got a regular girlfriend. She is nice. But what I need to know is this. When a couple has sex, how long should the guy 'keep going'?
My girlfriend and I have only had sex once so far. After around five to six minutes, I climaxed. She was not happy about that!
When I asked her why, she replied that 'girls expect it to last much longer'. So I am puzzled, Doc. What is supposed to happen? Should I be trying for 10 minutes or something?
A. First, is either of you using any kind of contraceptive? It may not have occurred to you that at your age you are extremely fertile! It would be easy for you to get this girl pregnant. In 10 months' time, you could be looking after a little baby boy or girl. So if this young lady is not on the Pill (or using some other reliable method), please do put on a condom next time you go to bed with her.
Now let us turn to this question of 'how long should a guy last?' There are no absolute rules about this. But studies have shown that in some countries, women want sex to go on for half an hour before the guy climaxes!
In reality, half an hour is quite unusual. But the important thing to realise is that your girlfriend was not happy with five or six minutes.
How long would she be happy with? Well, I think you should ask her! But it would be reasonable for you to try to achieve (say) 10 minutes next time.
I appreciate that this is your first sexual affair, and that you have no previous experience to guide you. But if you are going to make this relationship work, I would strongly advise you to be as considerate as possible with her. In particular, please appreciate that she may well expect to have one or more orgasms during an encounter. So you really need to 'hang on in there' for more than five or six minutes.
My boyfriend loves porn
Q.. Doctor, I am concerned about my boyfriend. I love him very much, and he says he loves me. But I know for a fact that every day he spends at least a quarter of an hour browsing the Internet, while looking at porn.
Do you think that this means that he doesn't love me at all?
A. No, I do not think that. One of the rather unfortunate consequences of the arrival of the Internet is that many young men (and some young women) spend hours everyday in looking at pornographic images. So perhaps it is quite a good thing that your boyfriend only 'sex-surfs' for 15 minutes!
Research has shown that these days, the majority of male teenagers have looked at 'blue movies.' My personal view is that these films contain a good deal of silly and dangerous misinformation about sex. Nevertheless, the Internet exists, and there is nothing anyone can do to stop it.
But you should realise that male psychology is very different from female psychology. A guy really can love a girl with all his heart - and yet enjoy looking at pictures of other women with no clothes on.
I feel you should talk to your boyfriend about his Internet-watching habits, and make sure that you understand each other's viewpoint. I'm sure he will confirm to you that he really does love you.
Emergency contraceptive scare
Q. Through a combination of unfortunate circumstances, I took Postinor2 on two occasions last month. Doc, will this harm my health or give me breast cancer?
A. Postinor2 (a.k.a) 'emergency contraception' or 'the morning after pill') is not intended for repeated use.
However, I can assure you that you could not have done your health any harm by taking it on two occasions last month. And there is not the slightest risk that it has given you breast cancer. So you can quit fretting.
Pain in testicles
Q. I am a guy of 19, and recently I have had a strange ache in my testicles, particularly when I have been sexually excited. Could this be cancer, doctor?
A. That is unlikely. But if the pain persists, you should go to a doctor. He can check out your testicles, and if necessary, arrange an ultrasound scan.
But the probability is that the ache you are feeling is just what is often called 'lover's nuts.' Many younger men get this aching feeling when they have become sexually excited but have not discharged. It is normal.
Should I tell my fiancé about my abortion?
Q. I am have just become engaged to a guy who is from a wealthy and well-connected St Andrew family. What he does not know is that I had an abortion four years ago, when I was 16. Doctor, should I tell him?
A. Well, you have to consider the fact that after you get married, he might just possibly find out by accident. For instance, I remember a similar case in which a guy saw his wife's medical records by chance, and was astounded to read that she had had a termination.
Please bear in mind that one day you might have some 'gynae' problem which is linked to your past abortion, and as a result, your husband could discover your history. Admittedly, if the termination which you had was carried out under sterile conditions by a doctor in an operating theatre, then it is most unlikely that there will ever be any consequences.
On the other hand, if you had one of those 'back-street terminations' performed by an amateur abortionist under dirty conditions, there is a chance that you might develop womb problems, or have difficulty in conceiving. And that could lead to your spouse discovering the truth.
Personally, I am inclined to think that an engaged couple should be honest with each other about their past medical history. If you do decide to tell your fiancé, then I hope he will be sympathetic and understanding.
Email questions to Doc at email@example.com and read more in the Outlook Magazine tomorrow.