Wed | Jan 16, 2019

DOCTOR'S ADVICE - He really loves women, but ...

Published:Saturday | January 3, 2015 | 12:00 AM

Q. Doctor, I am a guy who really loves women. I think about them night and day, but I have never had sex with a girl. I am now almost 20, and I am beginning to despair! Every time I ask a young lady to go to bed with me, she says no, and as soon as I mention sex to a female, she turns around and walks away. What do you think is wrong with me, Doc? I have heard it could be due to some special scent called a pheromone, which turns women off from guy. If that is so, is there any medical treatment which I could have?

A. This is nothing to do with your pheromones. Pheromones are very faint animal smells which are supposed to attract the opposite sex. Most females are completely unaware of them.  What is quite obvious is that you are being far too blunt and unsubtle with women. You cannot just walk up to girls and ask them for sex! That kind of approach very rarely gives any results.

Look! You must realise that girls are PEOPLE very like you. They are NOT just sex objects. You obviously lack social skills in dealing with women as human beings. My advice to you is to find yourself a counsellor or therapist or life-coach who can teach you:

  • how to get to meet women socially
  • how to talk with them
  • how to take an interest in their lives
  • how to listen to their opinions and value them

I cannot guarantee that this approach will help you to get a woman into bed. But it will give you the ability to have a real RELATIONSHIP with a girl rather than treating her as some sort of creature that provides sex.

Q. I am female, Doc. My age is 19. For some time I have been convinced that I am lesbian. I just dont seem to have any interest in boys at all. But one thing is puzzling me. I do not understand what lesbians actually do. Can you enlighten me? I have looked at videos of lesbian sex on the Internet, but it does NOT appeal to me at all! Mostly, it seems to involve women who strap horrible-looking projecting objects onto themselves and then use these things to penetrate each other. Can you please make matters clearer for me, Doc? I have been feeling a little depressed about all this.

A You are right in implying that Internet pornography gives a quite ludicrous depiction of lesbian sex. These videos are aimed at MEN (particularly young men) who are turned on by seeing girl-on-girl activity. However, in the real world, lesbian women do NOT usually do all those silly things involving strap-on dildoes and artificial penises. In practice, lesbian sex tends to involve gentle kissing, caressing and stroking. But sexual aids can sometimes be used.

You seem to be really determined that you are a lesbian. If that is so, then you must try to come to terms with your feelings. Dont rush into anything. It would be a good idea to seek advice from one of the international websites which try to help young women who find that they experience desire for other females. For instance, have a look at the California-based website of The Trevor Project, which attempts to assist young people who are troubled by gay feelings especially if they are depressed or suicidal. You will find them at

Q. I am guy of 17, and I know very little about sex. Last month, at the gym where I work out, I found that a female instructor was hitting on me.  I know I shouldn't have done this, Doc, but I went home with her, and she took me to bed. However, she would NOT allow me ordinary intercourse. Instead, she insisted that we just gave each other oral sex. What is making me fret is this. I assume she is still fertile. So could the oral sex have made her pregnant? Please help.

A. There is virtually no way in which either type of oral sex can make a woman pregnant. Admittedly, there was one case in the medical journals in which a woman who gave fellatio to a guy conceived a baby. But the circumstances were so bizarre that they could not possibly apply to you.

Provided you are sure that your sperms did not get anywhere near her vagina, there is no chance of conception. So, it seems like you are in the clear pregnancy-wise. But I must warn you that oral sex does carry a small risk of transmitting sexually-transmitted infections (STIs). I am doubtful if it is a good idea to continue this relationship with an older woman who is apparently your sports coach or gym instructor. But you must decide on that for yourself.

Q. Doc, I am a girl who frets quite a bit about the possibility of being raped. This is because I have to travel through some quite dangerous areas of Kingston.  Is it true that if a woman is in real and imminent danger of rape, she can disable the man by twisting his penis?

A. Well, there is some truth in what you say. If a man has a strong erection, and a woman chooses to twist his organ violently to the right or left, as far as it will go, its quite likely that she will cause a fracture of the penis. This is a real serious and disabling injury. It requires urgent treatment by a surgeon. I need scarcely add that no woman should EVER use this very aggressive method of self-defence unless she is sure that the guy is attempting to rape her.

Q. I am a guy of 16 and a half, and I am planning to be a pharmacist. I want to go to our local doc, and discuss some sexual matters especially contraception. Can I be absolutely sure that she would not tell my parents?

A. Yes, you can. Doctors have what is sometimes termed a sacred duty of confidentiality towards their patients. So it would be totally wrong for any doc to tell anyone else about what you have said to him or her.

Q. I am a sexually active girl of 17, Doc. I am thinking of having that contraceptive jab thing. But is it true that it would give me weak bones, as I have heard?

A. The shot is an extremely good way of preventing conception. Its main problem is a tendency to mash up the menses. But most young women who try it are happy with it. However, there are some concerns about the fact that young women who are on this treatment do get some loss of bone density. In theory, this might make them liable to brittle bones later in life in other words, after the menopause. Most docs think that the jab is perfectly OK to use. But I don't recommend taking it continuosly for many years.