Sat | Sep 22, 2018

Caught Wife in the Act

Published:Wednesday | January 21, 2015 | 12:00 AM

Q ONE EVENING I returned home an hour earlier than intended and caught my wife in the act with her fitness coach, who is at least 15 years her junior. The worse part is that she denies that anything happened. They were in our large master bedroom. I have a treadmill, mat and weights in our bedroom, but my wife has never done gym work at home. I will use the treadmill but she never uses it. She never told me her fitness trainer was coming to the house.

When I arrived, she was in shorts and bra only and he was hiding in the closet topless. When I asked why he was in the closet she claims they panicked and thought I might misunderstand what they were doing, so she told him to hide in the closet. I do not buy that argument. I am devastated because I did not expect my wife to cheat.

I thought we had a good marriage; she is an ardent churchgoer and very active in the Church. I hardly go to church, but I respect the Church. She was the last person I would expect to cheat. I had a heart attack three months ago and I was expecting her to support me during this recovery stage. Instead, she went with a younger man. I was hospitalised, so she should understand that it was a serious health setback. She has never said sorry about her unfaithfulness, but instead she brings up my outside child. A child she does not want to come to our home. I was very angry when I saw my wife and this boy, and I was tempted to shoot him. However, I only gun-butted him. I still have feelings for my wife, but she is still in denial about what I saw. I am not sure what is happening and what to do.

A Obviously, your wife believes in not admitting to any wrong. There is no reason for her to be having private lessons with a gym instructor in the master bedroom without you knowing he was going to be there. Since she thought you might misunderstand what was happening between her and her fitness trainer, she should not have brought him to the home. She needs to come clean and admit the incident and seek your forgiveness. She needs to realise what she did was very serious and dangerous.

seek help

Additionally, you and your wife should visit your doctor and let your doctor explain your health condition and how it affects your sex drive and performance. In addition, you will need to seek help in how you might be able to satisfy your wife.

It is very good that you did not shoot the gym instructor. However, you should not have taken the law into your hand by gun-butting him; you might be liable to be charged for assault, etc. Your gun is to defend yourself against physical threat not to hurt someone who hurt you emotionally.

As you now know, even churchgoers get tempted and fall. Churchgoing is no guarantee against infidelity.

You and your wife should go and get counselling before it gets worse. She has issues speaking the truth and perhaps she has issues relating to your past infidelity.

n Contact the counsellor at