Tue | Sep 25, 2018

Is my boyfriend lying to me for sex?

Published:Friday | March 6, 2015 | 11:01 PM

Q Doc, my boyfriend says that if I don't let him have sex with me, he will get sick. Is that really true? Or is he just telling me lies to try and get me into bed? I would be surprised because he is not an untruthful guy.

A Well, this is one of the oldest tricks used by young guys in order to persuade girls into sex. Please pay it no mind, because it is just foolishness.

However, you say that your boyfriend is a truthful guy, so it is just possible that he sort of believes what he has been telling you. The reason I say that is as follows: When male teenagers get sexually excited, but do not discharge, they very often get a nasty pain in the testicles. It is due to congestion of those two little glands. Most guys know that the pain goes away if they have an orgasm.

It does sometimes happen that a young man seriously believes that his testicular pain indicates that he is ill. So he may say to himself: 'Wow! I must have sex.'

Therefore, it is just possible that your boyfriend has somehow deluded himself into thinking that he must have intercourse with you in order to ease the pain. But that is just a delusion, and there is no reason you should fall for it.

Q I am a guy who climaxes too soon, Doc. And I wonder if I could get some of those condoms that make a man last longer? Are they any good? And could they harm me?

A Presumably, you believe that you have some degree of premature ejaculation (PE)- the common condition in which the male orgasms much too quickly. It is frustrating for the partner. So you are quite right in wanting to do something about it.

As a doctor, I don't think that those 'longer lasting' condoms are really a great idea. But let me tell you about them. They contain something which numbs the skin of your penis, and thus makes intercourse slightly less exciting. Therefore, with luck, you last a little longer.

Please note that some of the advertising for these condoms is misleading. You will see claims that they just contain a lube. But in fact, what they have inside them are local anaesthetics. These are drugs (very like the ones dentists use), which deaden the nerves for a while. Commonly used ones are benzocaine and lidocaine. They certainly work.

Now that may all sound fine, but there can be problems with these anaesthetic-containing condoms:

n Quite a lot of guys develop a violent skin reaction to those drugs. There is pain, itching and unpleasant swelling. Fortunately, this sensitivity reaction goes away after a week or so. But it is no fun!

n If any of the drug leaked out into the lady's vagina, that could numb her sexual feelings.

n Also, a leak could give her one of those sensitivity reactions.

Having said all that, if you want to try the 'local anaesthetic treatment,' it is quite easy these days. Just tap the words 'longer lasting condoms' into Google, and you will immediately be offered about four million websites - many of which are eager to sell you the condoms containing benzocaine or lidocaine. The prices are mostly pretty reasonable.

Finally, there are better ways to make a guy last longer, and I shall discuss these at a later date in this column.

Q I am a woman of 21, and I have to confess that in recent times, I have been masturbating to relieve my sexual frustration. Doctor, could this practice alter the shape of my vagina or vulva?

A No. Female masturbation is quite harmless. It is theoretically possible that a young lady could keep pulling at her labia until they got 'stretched out.' But I have never seen such a case.

Q My girlfriend and I have been dating for two years. She loves me, and I think I love her. We plan to marry in a couple of years. But last month some family friends took me away on holiday to the US and while I was there - guess what, doctor? - I found myself having sex with a pretty American girl.

We saw each other for a few days, but then said Goodbye when I returned to the island. My girlfriend greeted me adoringly at the airport.

Well, what I want to know is this, Doc. If a guy goes off and has sex with another girl, can he be truly in love with his girlfriend?

A I fear that the love you had for your girlfriend may be gradually reaching an end. Alas, that often happens with young lovers.

I would say that a guy who genuinely loves a woman with the sort of love that lasts for life does not go off and have sex with somebody else, no matter how beautiful the other lady is. So, my advice to you is to put any preparations for marriage on the back burner. It may be that your relationship will end quite soon.

Q Six days ago, I had sex with a young man on the very last day of my menses. Could I get pregnant, Doc?

A It certainly could happen, but the odds are against it. Unfortunately, it is now too late for you to take the post-coital Pill or do a post-coital coil.

So I am afraid you will just have to wait and see if your next menses arrive.

Q I am 20, and I have given several girls oral sex - with considerable success. But now I have heard that it can give a guy throat cancer. Is that true, Doc?

A Look, there is a virus called HPV which is frequently transmitted by sex - any kind of sex.

Some strains of the virus can cause warts. Others can cause cancer. In women, the virus may cause cancer of the cervix. In both cases, it can cause cancer of the throat and mouth.

When it affects the throat or mouth area, that is generally because it has been acquired from oral sex - and then lodged itself in the region of the tonsils.

The good news is that the human body very frequently destroys HPV. In other words, we kind of 'cure ourselves.' That is the reason why many women who catch HPV do not get cervical cancer.

However, HPV is not always destroyed by the body's defences. And in recent years, mouth/throat cancer rates have been rising in various countries. This is almost certainly because oral sex has become so popular.

So please take care. It is not wise to be promiscuous, and that applies to oral sex as much as to sexual intercourse.

- Email questions to Doc at saturdaylife@gleanerjm.com and read more in the Outlook Magazine tomorrow.