Tue | Sep 18, 2018

How often should we have sex?

Published:Saturday | March 14, 2015 | 12:00 AM

Q I am a girl of 18 and I am very much in love with my wonderful new boyfriend. But Doc, 18 months ago, I spent the night at a female friend's house and we had to share a bed. During that night, we sort of 'cuddled up' - and I am afraid that lesbian activity took place. In fact, we both orgasmed.

My problem is: should I tell my boyfriend about that episode?

A I really don't think so. That might be disastrous for your relationship at the moment.

Whether you might tell him at some time in the future is another matter. But there is certainly no rush.

Please realise that a lot of young women do have an occasional 'same-sex' episode - particularly if circumstances dictate that they have to share a bed with another female. But research suggests that the majority of these young ladies turn out 'straight'.

However, one important point remains. Do you still have any lesbian feelings? If you do, then I feel that you should not make any long-term plans for your relationship with your boyfriend, or plan to marry him. That would not really be fair.

Q How often should a couple at age 25 have

sex, doctor?

A Well, there is no 'should' about it! As long as they are both happy, then it really doesn't matter how often they do.

If you want to know what the average is, various researchers have found that, in the mid-20s, most couples have sex around 2.3 times per week. But if you 'score' more or less than that, there is no problem.

Just do it as often as you both want to.

Q We had a school trip to Montego Bay and somehow I got separated from the other boys.

While I was wandering around the town, I was greeted by a nice-looking girl - who I realised must be some kind of 'escort' or 'call girl'.

Doc, she was so pretty that I could not resist going back with her to her apartment, and we had sex. It was over quickly, and she did not charge me very much.

That was a month ago, and now I am not feeling too good. Every day, there is some stuff on the inside of my pants. This is alarming!

So I am asking you, Doc - could this be syphilis?

A It does not sound at all like syphilis. Syphilis is a form of sexually transmitted infection (STI) which is characterised by a little brown or pink 'lump' on the genitals - which soon breaks down into a raw ulcer.

If all you have is a discharge from the penis, you almost certainly have an STI, but the likeliest thing is that it is only chlamydia.

Chlamydia is not a nice thing to have, but it is nowhere near as bad as syphilis. Nevertheless, you must see a doctor right away for tests and treatment. And please do not have sex with anybody until the doctor says you are cured.

Q I did not have a period last month, and I was terrified that I was pregnant. (You see, I had let a boy penetrate me).

But happily, Doc, the menses have just arrived, and they seem quite normal. So why do you think I missed the period last month?

A Young women do sometimes miss periods for a variety of reasons. These include:

n Being anaemic (weak-blooded);

n Being anxious or stressed;

n Doing a lot of sports training.

However, I think you should just check with a doctor to make sure that all your gynaecological organs are in good shape.

Q I have seen a website which says, if I send them money, they will tell me a way of adding three inches to my penis. I would really like that. I feel I am too small.

Should I go ahead and send them the money? Would their technique work?

A There is really no way in which any website can make you have a longer organ. The fact is that there are hundreds of these sites - all eager to get money out of you!

Away from surgery (which is a rare option), there is no effective method of increasing the length of a penis. So please do not waste your money on these people.

Q I am female, age 20, and with an active sex life. So I am considering having one of those coil things, Doc.

But what I do not understand is this. Do they have to cut you? How do they get it in? And does the process hurt a lot?

A No, they don't have to cut you. What happens is this.

You go to a doctor who is skilled in coil insertion (or sometimes to a specially trained family-planning nurse). She will ask you to lie on a couch, and she will them examine you. She does this by putting her gloved fingers into the vagina. The point of that is to get an idea of the size of your womb (uterus), and also of the angle at which it is located.

She then opens up the vagina with a little instrument called a speculum. That enables her to get a good view of your cervix. Next, she measures the length of the womb by gently pushing a slim measuring instrument through the little hole in the cervix.

Having kind of taken your measurements, she picks up an instrument like a drinking straw. Inside it is an IUD (a coil), which has been stretched right out so that it is more or less in a straight line.

Then she pushes the 'drinking straw' up through your cervix till the end of it is in your womb.

Finally, she pushes the coil out of the drinking straw, and it takes up its correct shape inside the cavity of the womb.

Does that hurt? Well yes, it does. There is no point in pretending otherwise. And the pain is likely to be greater in young women who have never been pregnant - because things are rather smaller.

However, you can take some paracetamol beforehand, and the doctor or nurse may give you further painkillers.

In most cases, the pain will be gone before long. However, I would not advise driving home afterwards. Get someone to drive you back.

Having said all that, the IUD is a good method, which gives you protection against conception that is only a little below that provided by the Pill. Also, it does not interfere with the spontaneity of sex.

Q Is my boyfriend 'kinky', as my best friend says? Doc, he does not want to have full sex with me because he is scared of getting me pregnant.

But what he likes to do instead is to put his organ between my breasts, and sort of move it up and down. Is this OK?

A Well, it won't make you pregnant. Actually, this is quite a common practice among young couples who want to avoid the risk of conception. I do not think one could call it 'kinky'.

n Email questions to Doc at saturdaylife@gleanerjm.com and read more in the Outlook Magazine tomorrow.