Fri | Jul 20, 2018

My husband left me for a younger woman

Published:Tuesday | March 31, 2015 | 12:00 AM

Q: I am still hurt that my husband left me for a younger girl. I am 59, and two years ago my husband left the matrimonial home and took off with this girl and now they are married.

Our two adult children will have nothing to do with him and I am happy they did not attend the wedding. This girl is only two years older than our daughter. She is not educated.

We had a wonderful

marriage and all of a sudden he decided to move out. I am finding it hard to move on. Sometimes I contemplate getting a 20-year-old boy but I know it would just be to get back at my ex-husband and show him that I am still attractive.

I know I am still attractive because my children and friends tell me so. But the sad part is that I am not attracting anyone I would be interested in. For starters, I would not want anyone from the office as I do not believe in office romance. So I am alone and spend much time reading novels and watching television at home. I would like to move on and get married but I do not see any Mr Right on the horizon. What should I do?

A: It is always an awful feeling to be dumped. Obviously, you did not see this marital break-up coming. The decision to move out and get married again is not usually arrived at suddenly, but over a time your husband was not feeling fulfilled. You need to look back and see the signs you were not picking up that your marriage was in trouble. This does not mean you are totally at fault, but it could be that your husband wanted others things that he was not finding in you and which he believes he can find in a younger lady. You place a premium on education, hence you are surprised that your ex-husband has gone to an uneducated woman, but obviously that was not important to your husband in selecting a new wife. That is one difference you did not perceive in the relationship.

be civil

You said "Our two adult children will have nothing to do with him and I am happy they did not attend the wedding". It is OK if your children did not attend the wedding as a form of protest in the manner in which their father decided to remarry. It is also understandable that they are hurting, but they should be civil to their father and show him the respect he deserves. They might never confide in him, but they should have a cordial relationship.

You are right that you should never enter into a relationship out of revenge. In any case, your ex-husband has moved on and it might not matter to him. You need to enter into a relationship that you want and you will find fulfilling.

Instead of reading alone, you should join a reading club and meet persons and see where it leads. In addition, instead of watching television at home, go and watch a movie at a cinema or invite others to watch with you.

Perhaps you could reconsider your views about office romances because you spend approximately 40 hours per week at your workplace, so it is possible that Mr Right might be under your nose.