Sun | Dec 4, 2016

'I love to smack her'

Published:Saturday | April 11, 2015 | 12:00 AM

Hi, Doc. I am a young guy and I desperately want your advice about my sex life.

My problem is this. Whenever I am having sex with a girl, I feel a strange urge to smack her or to pinch her. I find this difficult to tell you, Doc, but I just seem to get pleasure out of the idea of inflicting a little 'hurt' on women.

There is another thing. My mother recently got that best-selling book called 'Fifty Shades of Grey'. When she had finished it, I took a look at it and I was surprised to find that the sex scenes turned me on, especially when the guy tied the girl up and spanked her.

What is wrong with me, Doctor? Am I what they call 'kinky'? Am I sick?

So far, all my girlfriends (3) have just walked out on me because they didn't want to be beaten or tied up. I don't wish to go through life like this, but is there any way I might change my personality? I could afford treatment, and I am definitely not happy.

 

A: I don't suppose you are happy. You clearly have a personality with some sadistic tendencies, and you are probably becoming addicted to the type of 'kinky' sex that is known as 'BDSM.' That stands for

- Bondage

- Discipline

- Dominance

- Sadism

- Masochism

There is a lot of that sort of sexual activity around, particularly in certain countries. That is why the book (and the film) Fifty Shades of Grey have been pretty popular throughout the world.

My impression is that BDSM has always been less common in Jamaica than in other parts of the globe, but I may be wrong.

As to why you are like this, I cannot say. Maybe it is something in your upbringing? The fact that your mother recently bought herself a sado-masochistic book might perhaps be a very small clue to the way you were brought up.

But now you have discovered that, in general, girls do not like to be hit or hurt during sex! Three young ladies have already dumped you, and so you want to change your attitude to sexual feelings.

That is greatly to your credit, because a lot of guys who are into BDSM do not want to change - and just carry on through life doing the same kind of things. Clearly, you don't wish to do that.

Now it is possible for young people to change their personalities - if they really want to, but the only way to do that is to have a lot of sessions with a psychotherapist over a period of many months or years. You say that you 'can afford treatment', so that is fortunate.

Happily, there are now a number of psychotherapists, therapists and counsellors in Jamaica. Look in the Yellow Pages or on the Internet, and find one who you feel you could talk to. I wish you success.

I am female, age 19, and I am thinking of going on the Pill. But Doc, would it really give me total protection all the way through the month?

A: Yes, it would - provided that you take it exactly as your doctor prescribes it. For most brands of Pill, that means 'three weeks on and one week off'. In other words, you take one tablet each night for 21 days - and then have a week's break.

It is vitally important that a fertile young woman such as yourself do not miss any Pills. Missing a Pill is by far the most common reason for accidental pregnancies. Please note that it is particularly dangerous to forget a tablet near the beginning or the near the end of a pack.

I am an 18-year-old guy who is a virgin. Last weekend, I went back to my hometown, where I met a nice girl who used to be at school with me.

It was pleasant to be with her. We went for a walk and spent a lot of time conversing together. Eventually, we started to kiss and cuddle. This was really great, Doc. Towards the end of the afternoon, things went a little further.

To be honest, Doc, she allowed me just to push the 'head' of my organ into her. It was no more than that, and after a couple of minutes she made me take it out. That was the end of the matter, and I did not discharge.

I am fretting, however, about this encounter, and I would like your medical opinion, Doc.

Please be honest: do you think there is any chance that I have got her pregnant?

A: Well, on the basis of the facts you have presented to me, I would say that it is most unlikely that you have got her pregnant - on this occasion.

But you certainly took a risk. For example, what would have happened if you had suddenly become overwhelmed with lust and found yourself unable to avoid discharging? These things do happen to young couples!

Please be more careful from now on. One final point: you described yourself as a 'guy who is a virgin'. Well, you are not a virgin any more.

People tell me that I am one of the most attractive girls at my college, Doc. Well, there is a guy here who works in some kind of media studies. I understand he makes films in his spare time.

A couple of weeks ago, he asked me if I would be interested in starring in one of his movies. Naturally, I said 'Yes' - because I thought that this could be the beginning of my movie career!

Yesterday, however, he told me some more about it. Slowly, I realised that he was really talking about some 'blue' video. He reassured me that I would not have to have 'full intercourse'. Instead, he wants me to play the part of a teenager who is in a class of young ladies - all of whom are being taught how to give oral sex.

Well, I am not so sure about this! Could taking this role cause me trouble or give me some infection?

 

A: Please don't let this guy fool you! These days, there is quite a thriving 'porn movie' industry. Girls are lured into 'starring' movies with promises that it could be the beginning of a great career, but it very rarely is.

The main drawbacks of taking part in this movie are:

n Even though you are 'only' supposed to be doing oral sex (fellatio), you could still get an infection - for instance, with gonorrhoea or chlamydia.

n Once you are 'on the set', pressure will probably be put on you to have full sex - with one man, or maybe more.

n From the moment the film has been made, you have NO control at all of what happens to it. It will probably go out on the Internet, where anyone could see it - for instance, your mother!

If I got one of those contraceptive implants, would my boyfriend be able to tell?

A: I certainly think it would be surprising if he didn't notice the little 'bump' under the skin of your arm.

- Email questions to Doc at saturdaylife@gleanerjm.com and read more in the Outlook Magazine tomorrow.