Sun | Dec 11, 2016

'My fiance watches porn'

Published:Saturday | April 18, 2015 | 12:00 AM

Doc, I am guy in my late teens, and I think I have a sex problem that no one else has. You see, I am really scared of the female vagina!

I don't know why I feel like this. I have actually been to bed with a total of four girls, but each occasion was unsuccessful because of my fear of the vagina. With two of the girls, I did manage to get inside for a while, but I could not reach the point of orgasm.

What is wrong with me, Doc?

A: Well, there are some young guys who grow up with an irrational fear of the vagina. I encountered one patient who had somehow reached adulthood believing that just inside the vulva, there were teeth.

It is difficult to say why young men should grow up with such strange feelings. In some cases, the problem seems to be linked to very early conditioning - in which a little boy is somehow given the notion by his parents (or other adults) that the vagina is dangerous or dirty or causes pain.

Some of these guys grow up to have the condition called retarded ejaculation - in which they cannot climax inside the vagina. That is a pretty serious thing, because a good sex life is almost impossible. Also, the disorder makes it extremely difficult to become a father.

One other faint possibility is that for some reason, deep down you are homosexual. Although most gay men like women, there are a few who are really turned off by anything to do with the vagina.

Whatever the cause of your anti-vagina feelings, there is only one thing to do now, and that is to find yourself a good psychotherapist or counsellor and spend the next few months exploring your innermost feelings with him or her. Please take the therapist's or counsellor's advice because you clearly cannot continue as you are.

Doc, I am engaged to a guy of 20, and we really love each other. We plan to get married next year, but one thing is making me fret.

You see, I have discovered that he watches porn. I caught him looking at some the other day. He was embarrassed, and switched it off quickly.

Don't misunderstand me, Doc. He was not masturbating or anything like that, but I felt that he was being kind of unfaithful to me.

Otherwise, we have a good sex life and I am happy with him, but in view of this incident, should I call off our engagement?

A: Sorry to hear that you have been upset. I think I must just give you a few statistics about pornography. Surveys show that:

n These days, around 87 per cent of young men have viewed porn material.

n Surprisingly, so have 31 per cent of young women.

n Porn sites get more weekly visitors than Amazon, Netflix and Twitter put together.

n Around 30 per cent of the Internet industry is connected with porn.

I cannot say that I am happy about this situation, but that is how it is. On the Internet, 'blue' movies have changed human life dramatically. Some authorities state that a lot of young people claim to be getting most of their sex education from watching blue movies.

That is a pity because so many of these rude films give a truly strange view of human sexuality. Some of them portray women as sex objects who are just there to be penetrated as often as possible.

On the other hand, it could be argued that certain films do actually show young adults what human anatomy is like. One male patient told me that he had never known where the clitoris was until he watched a movie in which he saw an actress rubbing her own.

Summing up, I don't think you should get too alarmed because you caught your fiancÈ watching some porn. The fact is that he is statistically normal.

So, it wouldn't be reasonable to break off your engagement because of this incident. Instead, you should sit down and talk with him about what has happened and about what you both feel regarding porn. If you love each other, then I am sure you can work this out.

Doc, I am very happy to be on the Pill because it gives me the opportunity to pursue a great sex life, but I sometimes forget to take one.

What must I do if this happens?

A: Inevitably, people (being humans) do sometimes miss Pills, but doing this is risky.

If you forget to take a Pill, there are three important things to bear in mind:

1. Don't stop taking the Pill (which is what some young women do in panic).

2. Take another Pill immediately when you remember (even though that may mean that you are taking two for that day).

3. Don't have sex until everything has been sorted out.

The leaflet inside your pack of Pills should give you more precise advice as to what to do in the case of a forgotten tablet. However, there are various different types of Pill, and the exact advice may vary a bit from brand to brand.

Don't take any chances. If you feel that you must have sex, use a condom.

I am a guy of 17. Last week, I went to a party in St Andrew and had sex with a pretty girl who I met there. The next day, I had sex with my girlfriend.

Could I have given her some kind of VD, Doc?

A: That would depend on whether the young lady in St Andrew has a sexually transmitted infection.

Have you had any symptoms so far? I am talking about a white or yellow discharge from the penis, or pain in passing urine. If you have, then you probably are infected. So, you and your girlfriend must go to a doctor or clinic and get yourselves treated.

Even if you don't have any symptoms, then there has to be quite a chance that this casual contact in the Corporate Area has given you an infection such as chlamydia. I would recommend that both you and your girlfriend have a urine test for that particular bug.

n Email questions to Doc at saturdaylife@gleanerjm.com and read more in the 'Outlook Magazine' tomorrow.