Doctor's advice: 'She refuses to do it'
Q: Hi, doctor. I am a guy of 19, and I have a girlfriend. I really love her.
But one thing is spoiling our relationship, and it is the fact that she will not give me oral sex. I cannot understand why she is like this. She says that she loves me, so why won't she do this simple thing for me?
Sometimes she will just let me put myself between her lips for a minute or so, but she just will not let me 'go all the way' in her mouth. She says she cannot understand why I want to do this! But I thought everybody did it.
A: Well, you thought wrong. Oral sex was pretty uncommon in Jamaica till a generation or so ago. Indeed, there were parts of the world where it as totally unknown. But nowadays, it is widespread - partly as a consequence of pornographic films, in which it is so often the case that the 'heroine' keeps popping somebody's male organ into her mouth.
But in the real world, quite a few females don't actually want to give men oral sex. It often seems slightly irrational to women that a guy should want to put his organ in a cavity that was not designed for it. Furthermore, the average teenage girl does not get much sensual pleasure from having a male organ in her mouth. She may perhaps be happy to do it because she knows that it brings him pleasure. But she may not get a lot out of the experience herself.
Having said all that, I must admit that there are plenty of young women who like 'giving head.' Clearly, your girlfriend is not one of them!
Another problem is that question of ejaculation during oral sex. You indicate that you would like to 'go all the way' - in other words, to climax in your girlfriend's mouth. However, research has showed that 'discharging' in the mouth is not acceptable to a substantial number of women. They are quite happy to go through the 'preliminaries' by giving the guy some oral stimulation, but they don't want to have somebody orgasming inside their mouths.
Admittedly, female opinions vary quite a lot on this point. These days, many women will allow a guy to climax in the back of the mouth - but others find the taste and feel of seminal fluid to be quite repellent!
Anyway, the point is that your girlfriend does not want to do oral sex. And you should not attempt to pressure her into it.
After all, how would you feel if someone wanted to put something distasteful in your mouth?
Q: I am female, 19, and just started to have sex. I would like to go on the Pill, but a few of my friends have suggested that I go on the Mini-Pill instead.
Is that a good idea, Doc?
A: I wonder if your friends really understand what the Mini-Pill is? A lot of young women use the term Mini-Pill, thinking that it means a low-dose Pill.
In fact, as I have mentioned in this column before, the Mini-Pill is a very different thing. It is mainly suitable for:
n Breast feeding mothers;
n Older ladies;
n Women who cannot take the 'real' Pill for some reason.
Therefore, not many teenagers (or women in their early 20s) use the mini-Pill. It is unlikely that your doctor will have any reason for wanting to put you on it.
So, I think you should just ask her for a 'low-dose' Pill. That is usually the best option for anyone in your age group.
Q: Hi. Is it possible to get a drug or injection that someone will take, so that the person will not be able to have sex for four or six months?
A: I am not sure why you want to do this, but medically it is just not possible. Why do you want to be unable to have sex for four or six months?
Maybe you just want to take something that would abolish sexual desire for four to six months?
There are drugs that will do that, but doctors do not prescribe them except in unusual cases - or instance, to curb the desires of a sex offender. And those drugs have many side-effects.
Q: I am a teenage girl who has read what you said about guys viewing pornography. Well Doc, my boyfriend looks at this stuff, and I do not really mind, so long as he loves me.
But I have noticed that in recent weeks he has been viewing stuff which is marked 'extreme', I do not know what this means. And he will not let me see it.
A: I have bad news for you. In the crazy world of Internet sex, the term 'extreme' is a codeword for violence.
So that particular branch of the Internet is full of awful images of rape and of disgusting brutality towards women. I am concerned by the fact that your boyfriend is watching this material. Maybe you should consider whether you want your relationship to continue or not.
Q: Whenever time I am about to have sex with a girl and try to put on a condom, I get in a panic and lose my erection.
I now have a steady girlfriend, and don't want this to keep happening with her. What can I do, Doc?
A: This phenomenon is known as 'condom collapse syndrome.' It is common in young men, and you can look it up on the Internet. You will see that is due to anxiety, caused from the stress of having to put on a condom.
Many experts say that the answer is to ask your partner to unroll the condom onto you.
An alternative is to suggest to the young lady that she uses female condoms. These are now readily available in pharmacies. And they have no unfortunate effects on young men's erections.
Q: I am slightly concerned about my fiance. I do not know much about sex, Doc, I am puzzled by the fact that just before he enters me, he usually seems to spend a few moments in rubbing himself.
I don't like to ask him why he does this. Is it kinky behaviour?
A: No, it isn't. A lot of young men do this immediately before they enter a woman. The reason is simple. They are just making sure that they are firm enough to get inside.
That is virtually an instinctive action in younger men, and nothing to fret about.
Q: My doctor has suggested that I should try an IUD, or coil. But I have seen pictures of this thing, and it is huge!
I cannot see how I would ever get such an object inside my little womb.
A: Relax. All will be well. You have clearly been misled by that picture.
IUDs (that is, coils or loops) are so small that they can fit in the palm of the hand. And generally, the ones that are used for young women are the smallest of all. So there is no problem.
n Email questions to Doc at email@example.com and read more in the Outlook Magazine tomorrow.