Mon | Oct 16, 2017

'I finally gave in'

Published:Saturday | May 23, 2015 | 12:00 AM

But I resisted until last Tuesday. On that evening, I finally decided to try having intercourse.

I picked a handsome guy who a lot of the other girls admire. I thought it would be great with him.

Doctor, it was awful! I hated every minute. It didn?t get me excited at all. And it pained me. Whatever an orgasm is, I certainly didn?t have one.

The worst thing was his attitude. He seemed to think that I should be grateful to him! But I certainly wasn?t.

When he left, he told me where he thought I might be a lesbian. Then I cried. And I stayed home the next day, because I was so upset.

So is there something wrong with me, Doc? Why didn?t I enjoy it?

A I am very sorry to hear about all this. The fact is that ? like many teenage girls ? you had got completely the wrong idea about what ?first sex? is like.

You thought it would be wonderful. But surveys show that the majority of young women find it real disappointing. They complain about:

n Lack of pleasure

n Discomfort

n Pain

n Fear of pregnancy

n Messiness

n Failure to orgasm

n The fact that it was ?all over? so quickly

n Frequently, the selfishness of the male partner

One young female patient told me that it had been ?like having a tooth pulled out ? but without an anaesthetic.?

So I assure you: there is nothing abnormal or unusual about you. The idea that you are lesbian is just preposterous!

I hope you haven?t been made pregnant by this encounter. And I advise you to wait for good long time before you try again with some other young man.

Ideally, he should be someone nice, who you like and (perhaps) love. It would be good if he knew something about sex, and about how to handle a woman. And I beg you to use contraception!

Cheer up. I am sure you will enjoy a good sex life one day.

Could I get an STI from having oral sex?

AWell, oral sex does sometimes pass on sexually-transmitted infections (STIs), such as gonorrhoea (?the clap?) and chlamydia.

However, if you have had no symptoms so far, then it is probable that you have got away with it. The common symptoms of a sex infection in guys are:

n Pain is passing urine.

n A discharge from the penis.

If in doubt, see a doctor.

I would advise you not to have casual sex (including ?oral?) with girls you meet at parties.

Using the Femidom

My doctor advised me to try ?Femidom? condoms, and I bought some at a pharmacy. But we just cannot manage to use them.

We try to put the thing on him - and then he attempts to enter me. But somehow, it always seems to go all wrong. Are we making some mistake?

AYou definitely are. I?m afraid that you two have misunderstood the nature of the Femidom ? which is actually the female condom.

You should not put it on your fiancé?s penis. The device is meant to go inside you. It?s a good method of contraception, if properly used.

As you will have seen, it is rather like the little plastic bags which go inside waste-paper bins ? but much smaller. In fact, it is slightly longer than the vagina. There is a ring at each end ? one tiny, and one quite big.

The idea is that before you start trying to have sex, you put the little ring as deep inside you as you possibly can. It should be way up at the far end of the vagina.

You will find that the large ring is now just outside your vagina. In fact, the top part of the ring should be lying more or less on top of your clitoris. Some women like this fact, because the ring stimulates the clitoral area during love-making.

When you have got the thing correctly positioned, it makes a complete ?lining? for the vagina. All your fiancé has to do, then, is to put his organ inside it. He must take good care not to go outside it by mistake.

There should be a leaflet supplied with the female condom, giving fuller instructions and helpful diagrams.

She does not

climax during sex

I have discovered that I can occasionally make her discharge afterwards, when I have finished. But that is a little unsatisfactory for both of us. In fact, she is real frustrated.

Where are we going wrong?

ALike a lot of young couples, you have not realised that it is exceedingly difficult for a female to orgasm unless her clitoris is being stimulated. Just thrusting away hard and fast at her is unlikely to do it.

There are ways of stimulating the clitoris during sexual intercourse, and I shall return to these on another occasion.

But for the moment, could I suggest that you just do what many more mature couples do ? which is to ?bring off? the lady before you actually have intercourse.

In other words, you give her plenty-plenty ?love play? before you enter her. Do this until she actually climaxes. Once she has orgasmed, then you can enter her. You will find that she is really relaxed, and that her natural secretions are flowing freely.

Indeed, if you do things this way round, then it is quite likely that she will orgasm again.

n Email questions to Doc at saturdaylife@gleanerjm.com and read more in the Outlook Magazine tomorrow.