Sun | Sep 23, 2018

Doctor's Advice: What should I do during sex?

Published:Saturday | June 13, 2015 | 12:00 AM

Q: My fiancee and I are going to have sex for the first time next month. I am a virgin, Doc, but I believe he has quite a lot of experience with girls.

By the way, I have started taking the Pill in preparation, so I am not worried about getting pregnant.

What is concerning me is this: What on earth do I do? I simply have no idea of what a woman is supposed to do during sex.

A: Well, first of all, I want to congratulate you on your foresight in getting yourself on the Pill before you have sex for the first time.

Now, I really don't think you need to fret about this. Your fiancÈ has some experience so I hope he has a reasonable idea of how to have intercourse.

Really, the best thing you can do is to lie back and try to enjoy the experience. Do not bother yourself about trying to 'perform' well. Don't worry about whether you reach an orgasm or not. To be frank, you probably won't.

Here are a couple of useful tips:

1. Relax as much as you can;

2. Use a good pre-sex lubricant;

3. Don't rush things!

Finally, you say that your fiancee has quite a lot of sexual experience with women. This means that he could just possibly be carrying an infection. If in doubt, make him get tested before you have sex with him.


Tampon danger


Q: Hi, Doc. I am almost sure that I have left a tampon inside me after sex. Does this matter?

A week ago, I was on the last day of my period and I decided to have sex with a boy I know. He had just told me he loved me. Also, he was going away from Jamaica for a year, so I gave in to him.

I think I still had a tampon inside, but in the heat of the moment, I forgot.

The next day, I remembered and started to fret. Now, I cannot feel the string of the tampon, but I am nearly sure it's still there.

Three questions, Doc:

1. Can I assume that it acted as a contraceptive, and, therefore, I am not pregnant?

2. Is there any chance that the boy somehow 'hooked' it out of me while we were having sex?

3. If it is still in there, could it do me any harm?

A: OK, let's first deal with the 'contraception' question. Some women try and use a tampon as a contraceptive, but this does not work. Sperm can get around a tampon, so let us hope that your menses arrive this month. It is encouraging that when you had sex, you were on the last day of your period. Conception is not too likely on that day.

Secondly, you ask if the tampon could somehow have got 'hooked out' of you by the guy's penis. I would say that that is almost impossible. Admittedly, I have known cases in which the man deliberately got the tampon out by grabbing the string and pulling. There is no evidence that that happened here.

Thirdly, you ask whether a retained tampon could do you any harm. I would like all females to be aware of the answer to that question, which is a resounding 'yes'!

Tampons that are left too long in the upper part of the vagina can occasionally cause a terrible and life-threatening infection called toxic shock syndrome or TSS.

But much more commonly, a forgotten tampon causes a nasty discharge - often with an extremely offensive odour.

You should go to a doctor or a nurse who is experienced in family planning. If the tampon is there, they should be able to find it using a special instrument, and remove it.

Please do not delay. You must not take chances with your vaginal health.


What's wrong with my testicle?


Q: Doc, I am a 17-year-old guy and I am worried that something is wrong with me. I have noticed that one of my testicles is much lower than the other. I think this has happened in the last six months.

Should I seek urgent medical attention?

A: Please quit fretting. In almost all men, one testicle hangs slightly lower than the other.

In some guys, the difference in level is quite pronounced, but that really doesn't mean anything healthwise.


Do I have cancer?


Q: Doctor, is it possible for a 21-year-old woman to develop cancer of the clitoris?

My boyfriend has gone off to college in America for a year. In the week before he left, we made love whenever we could. It was fantastic sex.

A few days after he departed, I found that my clitoris had become hard and swollen.

That was a month ago, and it has not 'gone down' at all since then. Could it be anything to do with the fact that I have come off the Pill?

A: No, it has nothing to do with stopping the Pill. I can also assure you that cancer of the clitoris is almost unknown, so you can forget that idea.

What has happened here is that, like many women who have had an intense and prolonged spell of sexual activity, you have developed what is called a haematoma of the clitoris.

That means that the clitoris has filled with blood as a result of all that friction on it during intercourse and love play.

Usually, the swelling goes down within a week or so, but clearly, that hasn't happened in your case. You should consult a gynaecologist to see if it is necessary to remove the blood.


Is she pregnant?


Q: Please advise me, Doc. I am a guy of 19, and last week I had very brief sex with a girl. This was the first time in my life and I did not know much about what I was supposed to do.

The fact is, Doc, I did not discharge. This was deliberate. Is there any chance that I may have made her pregnant?

A: Well, there is certainly a chance, but if you are correct in saying that you definitely did not orgasm, then the odds are that everything will be okay. I suggest that in a couple of weeks, you check with the young lady to see if her menses arrived.

Please note that refraining from climax is not a very good way of avoiding conception. I suggest that, in future, you use condoms.


Dangerous stunt


Q: I have one of those contraceptive implants under the skin of my arm, but I have had enough of it, Doc.

Could I just cut it out myself, with a sharp knife?

A: No! Do not do this. You must go to a doctor who knows how to remove these implants.

- Email questions to Doc at and read more in the Outlook Magazine tomorrow.