Doctor's Advice: Can I insert my husband's sperm?
Q. My husband and I have been married for a year now. When we first met, I told him I wanted two children, but he said that he didn't want to have two, so we settled on one.
I believe next year is an appropriate time to get pregnant, so recently, I told him that.
But to my surprise, he replied that he had only agreed to a child because I wanted one. He also said that 'next year is not the right time', which I know is his way of saying 'It's not going to happen'.
So I want to know if it is possible for me to get myself pregnant by inserting my husband's sperm inside me? I could do this after he ejaculates, which is usually somewhere on my body.
I believe this is the only way for saving my marriage in the future. I do love my husband, but I wish that during our courtship he had revealed his true feelings about not wanting to have children.
A. I am really sorry to hear about this unhappy situation. By the way, I have slightly altered and shortened your email so that you will not be recognised.
Summing up, you deeply wish to be a mother. You believe that your husband is depriving you of that chance. It sounds like during sex, he habitually 'withdraws,' and ejaculates on your belly or elsewhere, so you are considering scooping up some of his man-fluid from your skin and inserting it into your vagina. I suppose you could try and do this with a spoon or some similar implement.
What you are suggesting is a form of artificial insemination. It could well work provided that you did it at about the time you were ovulating - in other words, on a day when you were fertile.
However, sperm die very quickly when the seminal fluid is allowed to dry out. Therefore, you would really have to scoop it up quite fast - while it is still liquid. That might not be easy, especially if your man was lying alongside you in the bed at the time!
Now, let us turn to legal issues. Artificial insemination is not illegal in Jamaica, but lawyers would probably feel that you had infringed your husband's legal rights by 'tricking' him into becoming a father. No one could sue you or anything like that, but if some time in the future there was a divorce, I suspect that the courts would not look too kindly on the fact that you had 'fooled' your spouse.
I guess you probably hope that after you have used this 'spooning it in' technique in order to get pregnant, then maybe your husband would not realise what you did.
Certainly, it's very possible that he might assume that the pregnancy simply happened because one night he didn't 'pull out' fast enough!
But if he ever found out what you had done, I think there could be all kinds of trouble. For instance, he might walk out on you. Or he could perhaps try to refuse to support the child.
So all in all, I don't think your plan is a good idea. One positive thought does occur to me, however. It's this:
It does look as though your husband hasn't actually said that he refuses to have children! You have interpreted his remarks as meaning that 'it's not going to happen.'
However, it appears to me that this guy might still be persuaded to become a parent. So could you ask him to come with you for some discussions about parenthood? These might be with a marriage counsellor or with some other experienced person such as a midwife, nurse, doctor, or minister of religion. I feel that if the discussions helped him to realise how important it is for many women (including you) to be a mother, then maybe he might change his viewpoint.
I wish you well. But please don't rush into this 'spooning up semen' idea.
Allergy or STD?
Q. I am a guy of 19. Last month, for the first time in my life, I had sex with a girl. Ever since then, the skin of my organ has been sore and itchy. It looks inflamed to me.
Doc, could this be some kind of VD?
A. I don't think so. It's possible that it is some kind of allergy.
But the more likely explanation is that you have picked up a little fungal infection - what many people call 'yeast.' If so, it could easily be treated with some anti-fungal cream.
What you should do now is to go to a doctor, and let him examine your penis. I'm sure that he will be able to diagnose the problem accurately and can give you a prescription that would clear up this problem.
Am I pregnant?
Q. Good morning. I am female, and I had unprotected sex on the afternoon of the 11th of last month. That was the fifth day of my period.
I later got to know that the guy had masturbated that very morning.
Then I got my menses again on the 23rd of the month, and it was just like any other period.
But since yesterday, I have an urgent need to urinate every now and again. Do you think I am pregnant?
A. No, I think you have cystitis - in other words, a urinary infection - so you should take a specimen of urine to a doctor and ask him to test it.
There are a couple of reasons why I think it unlikely that you are pregnant:
1. Intercourse was on the fifth day of your menses. While conception can occur at that time, it is not common.
2. You had a period on the 23rd. If this really was an ordinary period, then you cannot be pregnant.
I am not sure why you mention that the guy masturbated earlier in the day. I cannot quite see the relevance of this.
But if you still have any concerns, please email me again.
Is he cured?
Q. I am a guy of 20, and I recently got a job that involved going down to Trinidad in a cargo boat. While I was there, I had sex with a pretty girl who I met in Port-of-Spain.
A few days later, I got a discharge from my private part. The ship's doctor diagnosed 'the clap', so he put me on a course of antibiotics, which stopped the symptoms.
Doc, can I assume that I am now totally cured and can think about getting married?
A. If you took the full course of treatment, you are probably cured.
However, I am a little doubtful whether a ship's doctor (no matter how skilled) could possess the fairly sophisticated equipment that is needed in order to make a definite diagnosis of gonorrhoea ('the clap').
So I think you should now go to a clinic in Kingston, tell them your story, and do the tests, which they have at their fingertips. If, by chance, you need any further treatment, they will give it to you.
Rest assured: All will be well!
- Email questions to Doc at email@example.com and read more in the Outlook Magazine tomorrow.