My wife spends and spends and spends...
Q Help! My wife spends my money as if there is no tomorrow! She was not like this for the first four years of our marriage. In fact, she was quite responsible with her spending. But ever since I got a major promotion at work and an increase in salary and benefits, she has been spending and spending and she does not even want to tell me what she has been spending on.
Sometimes I am able to figure out what she buys just by observation. She will be out somewhere and see some antique pieces and she will impulsively buy them. I admit that there have been times that the things she buys actually enhance the home, but most times, they are simply frivolous and useless. She does not spend any of her own money. Instead, she saves it all. I take care of all the bills. Yes, ALL the bills! We got in a big quarrel last month when she spent all of $900,000, and I cannot see what it was for, and worse, she does not feel she needs to tell me. She claims that I do not understand money and what we need to do to match our new-found wealth.
Our five-year-old daughter is very happy because she is getting many gifts and gadgets, most of them the latest models and very expensive. My wife also invites her parents to come over to our house quite frequently, and whenever they leave, they are given a lot of food and other items to take with them. Again, all this is done without my wife saying anything to me. I am absolutely fed up! Please help.
A In your marriage it is better you say 'our money' instead of 'my money' and 'her money'. You need to start to plan a budget together. At that time, you can allocate funds according to your combined priorities. In the budgeting, you can allow for both of you to have personal spending money. This is the way forward.
In addition, nothing is wrong with her wanting her parents to visit and to offer groceries, but she needs to inform you beforehand. Although you can afford it, is still common decency for her to tell you.
Additionally, both of you need to be involved in the parenting of your daughter. It should be a common approach by both of you in terms of what to buy your daughter concerning expensive gadgets. She needs to be told that happiness should not be based on expensive gadgets.
As you move towards a common budget, your wife has some explaining to do about the $900,000. You have to ensure that she is not involved in anything illicit or immoral. Hopefully, she has made a down payment on some property and plans to surprise you. Whatever is the case, you need to know.
You need to be enjoying your wealth instead of having it being a source of tension. It appears that money has flown to her head. A counsellor can help you sort out your financial issues. Good luck!
- Email feedback and questions for the counsellor to: firstname.lastname@example.org.