Wed | Sep 20, 2017

My husband does not respect me

Published:Tuesday | August 25, 2015 | 8:00 AM

Q: My husband does not respect me. We have been married for six years and have been friends for 10. He is rude. In addition to his job, he has a business but I do not know how much it makes. He will decide to take our two sons to the movies or a sporting event and I do not know about it.

Females call him late at nights while we are in bed and he claims they are his co-workers. He receives texts messages from women seeking sexual liaisons with him. His response to them is very suggestive. He carries condoms in his wallet and in his vehicle, and he has not had sex with me for the past nine and a half months.

When he is going overseas, it is always the day before he leaves that I hear he is leaving and it is one of his brothers who takes him to the airport, once he is not leaving the SUV at the airport. He uses curse words to me even in front of the children and I answer him back in equal kind. I have lost respect for him. We do not take family vacations anymore. He does not like my parents and he does not want me to talk to them about our problems.

He treats his mother like a queen and tells me that no one can come between them and if he has to make a choice between the two of us, then it is going to be his mother. I feel hopeless and I do not know what to do.

A: The marriage has broken down. Your husband has lost respect for you, hence he does not involve you in decision-making concerning the development of the children. He is rude and out of order to be having conversations with female co-workers when it is late and both of you are in bed. You should insist that he does not take those calls or go outside the bedroom if he has to do business. It is clear that he is not faithful to you based on the text messages and his responses. In addition, other actions are pointing to him having a relationship outside the home. You have had a sexless marriage for nine and a half months, which is further

indication that all is not well. Furthermore, the fact that you mentioned the precise time since you last had sex is indicative that you are not happy with the situation.

You have to make it clear to him that the children's development is a shared role. Please try to not curse in front of the children.

Perhaps the last straw is that he prefers his mother to you. He is not ready for marriage and the responsibilities. He needs to go and live with his mother!

You urgently need a counsellor and I hope he will go to the sessions if the marriage is to be saved. A marriage is based on mutual respect.

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