'I have a missing body part'
Q Doc, I am extremely concerned by the fact that I don't think I have a clitoris. I am 20 years old, and I have had several dates with boys. Two or three of them have rubbed me 'down there' - mostly through my clothes, but I felt nothing at all. I don't get any pleasure or ecstasy, Doc.
Also, I have taken a good look at myself, even though it is not easy for me to view that part of the body, and I cannot see anything that looks like a clitoris. I understand that it is supposed to look like a small penis, but I don't have anything like that at all.
Help me, Doc! I am sure that I am cursed with an abnormal anatomy.
A It is most unlikely that you have an 'abnormal anatomy'. I have quite often been consulted by young women who thought that they did not have a clitoris. In every case, it turned out that they were wrong.
You see, the clitoris is a tiny organ. Generally, it is smaller than a gungo pea. It is pink - in all races. And it is usually somewhat hidden by a little 'hood,' as well as by the folds of the vulva. (The vulva is the visible part of the female genitals.)
Turning to your experiences with petting, it is not surprising that your dates didn't have much luck in stimulating your clitoris. Many young men don't have the faintest idea where this organ is. And even if they can locate it, they don't usually know what to do with it.
Furthermore, if a young woman is a little anxious or 'uptight', it is most unlikely that she will obtain any pleasure from having the clitoral area stimulated. So it's not surprising that you felt nothing.
So what should you do now? Well, the first thing to do is to look up a website which shows you precisely what the clitoris looks like - and where it is. I would recommend one called 'female external genitalia (vulva) Web MD'.
You should now compare your own genitals with the picture on the website. I agree that it is difficult for a young woman to see her own vulva properly, but the way to get round that problem is to take a small hand mirror, and then lie on the bed and hold the mirror between your thighs.
If you do that, you will almost certainly be able to reassure yourself that you really do have a clitoris and that there is nothing anatomically wrong with you. I hope that this will make you happier about yourself.
If by any chance you can't identify the clitoris, then I recommend that you go and see a sympathetic female doctor and explain your problem. She can then put you on her examination couch and show you precisely where that little organ is. I am sure all will be well and that you will be able to quit fretting.
Q I am a strong, fit man. Just a few days back, I got engaged. Before I met my fiancee, I had not had sex with anybody, but I had masturbated since the age of around 12.
So intercourse has been a new experience for me. Unfortunately, I soon realised that I could not satisfy my fiancee. This is because she demands foreplay before going ahead with sex, and, usually, it takes 20 to 25 minutes to excite her.
After all that time, I lose my stiffness. Then I have to wait a while before I become erect again. During this period, she becomes frustrated.
I told her that we should not continue foreplay for more than about 10 minutes, but she does not agree with me. She says that I am not 'sexually fit.'
In fact, she has put a 'question mark' over the size of my penis, which is around six inches once it is erect. She suggested I need doctor's treatment.
Please guide me. What should I do to satisfy my fiancee sexually?
A Well, let us first get this question of penis length out of the way. If you have an erection measuring around six inches, you are actually a little above average in length. So you certainly have nothing to fret about. And you don't need "doctor's treatment!"
Now, I notice that your email has come from outside Jamaica. I am not sure what your cultural background is, but it is clear that you and your fiancee don't know a lot about sexual relations. What generally happens in bed when a couple has an established partnership is this:
- The couple spends some time in kissing and caressing each other;
- After a while, the male starts giving the female some foreplay (or 'love play');
- If he is wise, he will not set any 'time limit' to this. He should go on with it until she is thoroughly well-lubricated and ready for intercourse;
- Only then does he enter her;
- If at this stage, he has lost his erection, then usually, a few strokes with the hand will be sufficient to bring it back.
I hope the above advice will help you and your fiancee. The two of you should also read a few books about sex, including marriage manuals and perhaps the famous Kama Sutra. But above all, please do not try to set time limits to the amount of foreplay that you give the young lady. This simply will not work.
Good luck to you both.
Q Several of my friends have started using internal sanitary protection, Doc. I would like to do so, but I am a little scared.
Would it do me any harm? And would it take my virginity away?
A Internal tampons are a great invention, and they have made life easier for many young women who no longer have to bother with sanitary pads.
No, they will not do your health any harm, but you must remember to change them as often as the manufacturer recommends. And at all costs, do not forget a tampon, and leave it inside you for days. That can lead to serious infection.
As it relates to virginity, the tampon does not take your virginity away. Only a boy's penis can do that. But it will almost certainly break through your hymen (the 'virgin's veil'), which is the thin membrane near the lower end of the vagina; however, healthwise, that does not matter.
Q Doc, my girlfriend is fed up of taking the Pill. Now, I have heard that there is a Pill for guys. I would not mind taking it if this would spare her from swallowing Pills.
But where could I get it?
A Researchers are always announcing that they are on the verge of developing a 'male Pill', but in fact, it doesn't exist yet, and I would be surprised if it became available within five years.
So at the moment, there is no tablet that a guy can take, but you can use condoms. Alternatively, your girlfriend could employ some other method of contraception such as the Shot or the mini-Pill.
- Email questions to Doc at firstname.lastname@example.org and read more in the Outlook Magazine tomorrow.