Wed | Apr 21, 2021

Dear Counsellor: I moved out and she moved in

Published:Monday | October 19, 2015 | 12:00 AM

Q: I am down and out. For the first time I was deeply in love. I have dumped three boyfriends before — two for no good reason, but I was a ‘hot girl’. I had options. I was very successful. I was a big catch. Then I found Mr Right.

We started to live together with the aim to get married. However, it all started to go wrong when he started to say he wanted his space. I moved out of his house. To my horror, within a week another woman moved in.

I was devastated. I am not doing well as a sales person anymore. I do not enjoy work. I do not want to go out. I never smoked before but I have started. In order to sleep, I drink alcohol.

The possibility exists that I might lose my job. Some of my coworkers who dislike me are happy about my downfall, especially some persons who I have been mean to.

Because of all the problems, I now live with my mother, but I am still in love with my ex. My mother is very supportive, but she thinks I should talk with a psychologist.

What do you think?


A: Sorry to hear of your problems. You have lost the love of your life and you are no longer enjoying work.

Your being down is preventing you from working and functioning normally. You are now dependent on nicotine and alcohol to survive each day. Obviously, your attempts at managing your crisis have not been successful.

You are fortunate to have a supportive mother to help you. Her advice that you should consult a professional is good. She has your best interest at heart. I suggest that you consult a clinical psychologist or a psychiatrist.

These professionals can help to diagnose your situation. You need help to accept that the relationship is over and you must move on. You need to understand that you can find someone better than your ex. You need to believe that he was not Mr Right and there is still someone else for you; or that you can find happiness in your singleness.

You also need to realise that there is no perfect man — all have weaknesses and flaws.

Perhaps you loved this man more than yourself, and therein lies part of your problem.

Happiness is not found in someone else. You need to be happy first. You have a lot of potential waiting to be released. You can become stronger because of this failed relationship and you have the ability to engage in a better love life. Please listen to your mother and consult a psychologist.