Dear Counsellor: My sons are drug addicts
Q: God has blessed me with three sons. All were doing well at high school and were model boys in the community. But, surprisingly, the eldest one and the youngest one are now drug addicts, which affects their performance at work.
Because of their problems, they live at home with me. My husband works enough to take care of the family. The other son has a family and a great career.
He is a gentleman and he even supports his brothers. He is courteous and easy to get on with. The other two sons are able to get the sweetest girls, though they do not stick around too long. I love my sons and I have a special place in my heart for the two who are addicts.
My husband is not too understanding. He thinks I am too soft on them and I spoil them. They are all adults and he thinks they should fend for themselves. However, he does not show them any bad face in the home.
I feel that my husband is the one who caused them to be addicts. My husband smokes heavily and he also drinks a lot of alcohol. He is not an alcoholic, but once in a while, he gets drunk. I am also to blame for marrying him because he was always a smoker and a drinker, so I have to help my sons through this rough patch. Am I doing the right thing?
A: It is good that you love all your sons, especially the two who are drug addicts; however, you and your husband should stop playing the blame game as to who is at fault and who caused them to be drug addicts.
Causality is often difficult to prove. Furthermore, all three sons grew up in the home and were doing well to a point. One is not a drug addict, and he also experienced his father's behaviour. How do you explain that?
It is very stressful for you to be dealing with two adult sons who are drug addicts. Perhaps you blaming your husband is a sign that you are not coping well with this load. You need to seek professional help that will enable them to get over this addiction. In addition, it would be good if your husband got help for his addiction. Do not be fooled by him being able to consume a lot of liquor and function OK in your eyes.
Addictions could be due to peer pressure or trying to cope with great stress, and your family members need urgent attention.
It would also be good for you to find other gainful pursuits. You cannot spend most of your life catering to your sons' addictions.