Doctor's Advice: Would I lose my virginity through oral sex?
Q: Hi, Doc. I am a puzzled 17-year-old female. I work hard at my studies and have not had much to do with boys so far. In fact, when I was 15, I swore a solemn oath that I would remain a virgin until I got married.
But a couple of months ago, I met the most wonderful guy. He is a year older than I, and to tell you the truth, Doc, I am hopelessly in love with him. He says he loves me. I want to marry him one day.
Now, the problem is this. He understands that I have sworn to remain a virgin and I think he respects that decision, but he is a sexy, passionate guy. He says he just has to have some kind of sexual release.
We do go in for 'petting', and I feel sure that this does not break my solemn vow, however, a big issue has now arisen.
Doc, he wants me to give him oral intercourse. That is, with his organ in my mouth. I have to admit that I find the idea quite exciting.
What I would like to know is this: When a girl gives a guy oral sex, does it mean that in a way she loses her virginity? I do not want to break my vow.
A: Well, legally and medically, the word 'virginity' only refers to the vagina, so it is clear that if you give in to this young guy and let him have oral sex with you, you will still be a virgin. But I would like to give you two warnings:
1. Although oral sex does not take away your virginity (and cannot get you pregnant), it can give you sex infections. The main ones that it can pass on are chlamydia, gonorrhoea ('the clap'), and herpes.
If by any chance this young man happens to have any of those infections, he might well transfer them to your mouth or throat.
2. From long experience of dealing with teenagers, I can tell you that when a young couple starts having oral intercourse, it is often not long before they decide to 'go all the way', and that would be the end of your solemn promise.
Therefore, I urge you to think very carefully before agreeing to your boyfriend's request for oral sex.
Q: Doctor, I am a guy of 20, and my big problem is that I guess I am hopelessly addicted to porn.
Every night, I come home from college and say hi to my parents then go to my bedroom and switch on my laptop. Immediately, I start watching images of pretty girls with no clothes on, all of them having sex with lots of guys or with other girls.
In fact, it is usually a couple of hours, or a lot more, before I can switch off the porn and get on with my studies. I know this is not good for me. Also, I am not getting out and meeting people. I don't see any girls, and I think I am getting unfit because these days, I never have time to do anything physical, like working out or a sport.
Am I doing myself any harm?
A: Well, this addiction (for that is what it is) is certainly not good for your studies! It sounds like porn is beginning to take over your life. That cannot really be good for your health or your fitness.
You don't seem to have much of a social life or do any sport, and, apparently, you don't have a girlfriend.
In short, you seem to have become a sort of couch potato, who sits in front of a screen for several hours a night, getting sexually excited and (I expect) masturbating.
So for the sake of your studies, plus your general health and fitness, I think you should cut down drastically on all this porn-viewing. Here are my three tips:
1. Begin by looking at the 'Click to Kick' that. This is run by a charity that tries to help people kick the porn habit. It is essentially a Christian organisation, but also welcomes people of other faiths - or none. You don't have to actually sign up with them, but you can study their good advice. Their Web address is www.clicktokick.com.
2. Remove your laptop (or whatever electronic device you are using) from your bedroom. Be determined about this. If there is no screen in your room, you can't really watch porn. Can you?
3. If there are times when you need to use a screen for your studies, put it in the main room of your home, where (I presume) other family members will wander in and out. OK, this will be a distraction from your work, but not nearly as big a distraction as watching two to three hours of porn!
If after trying to follow my advice you really can't cut down on porn-viewing, then you should definitely consult a therapist. As you are at a college, maybe they could help you by putting you in touch with a good counsellor.
Finally, it may seem rather obvious to say this, but you are leading a very 'inward-looking' life at the moment. For the sake of your emotional health, I feel you should make a real effort to get out of the house, do some physical exercise and sport, and also meet some girls.
I wish you well.
Q: My boyfriend and I generally have sex on the seventh day after my period starts. We then abstain for the rest of the month.
Is that OK, Doc?
A: I presume that you are having sex on the seventh day of the cycle in an attempt to use the 'rhythm method' or so-called 'safe-period technique'.
Well, this is certainly better than nothing! But conception can sometimes occur even during a day or two immediately after the menses end.
Currently, you are having sex just a few days before your body starts to get fertile. So I feel that it would be much better if you settled on some reliable method of contraception, such as the Pill, the jab, the IUD (coil), the implant, or simply the condom.
Write to me again if you are still having problems.
Q: I am a guy of 19, and I suppose I am highly sexed, Doc. Last month, I worked out that I had 21 climaxes in various ways - like with girls, or by masturbation, or having 'wet dreams'.
Will this total harm my health?
A: Curiously enough, it will not. Researchers in the United States of America have found that there are quite a few young guys who tot up 20 or more orgasms per month.
But I am a little concerned that you say that you are getting some of your sexual climaxes 'with girls' - in the plural. This sounds as if you are going with several young ladies for the month. Frankly, that is a good way to pick up a sexually transmitted infection. Also, have you thought about what would happen if you got one (or more) of these girls pregnant?
Please review your sex life. There is much to be said for finding one faithful girlfriend and forming a stable relationship with her.
- Email questions to Doc at email@example.com and read more in the Outlook Magazine tomorrow.