Wed | Nov 14, 2018

Dear Counsellor: I'm cheating on my wife and I think she's cheating on me

Published:Wednesday | February 3, 2016 | 12:00 AM

Q: I believe my wife is cheating on me. One day I saw her hugging a friend of mine in public. I spoke to her about her behaviour and she said there was nothing behind the hug. She claims that she is frustrated with my false accusations. She has an adult child who is not mine, and there are times she will leave and go and stay with her daughter. I believe that she and her daughter are up to something and she cheats while she is away from me. She has gone overseas because she says she wants a break from me and my wild accusations. But why would she run off if she knew she was telling the truth? Perhaps she has a man overseas. I do not like how she is disrespecting me. I have never disrespected her. I am a discreet man. She does not know that I have had intimate relationships while we have been married these eight and a half years. She has never accused me of cheating. I am hurting and confused. I do not know how to handle her. What should I do?


A: The first thing you need to do is to stop accusing your wife of cheating. Hugging someone in public is not enough evidence to claim that your wife is cheating. Unless you have some substantial evidence, then you need to stop the foolishness. It is obvious that your wild accusations are getting to her. She goes to her daughter and overseas to get a break and have peace of mind.

The second thing you need to do is to stop cheating on your wife. Perhaps it is your guilty conscience catching up with you. You feel that what you are doing is what your wife is doing. It is wrong to deceive your wife and then turn around and accuse her of the very thing you are doing. In addition, do not be fooled that because your wife does not accuse you of being unfaithful it means she is not aware of what you are doing.

You need help. You are insecure. You have a sense of entitlement to have other women while your wife cannot even hug a man. You feel that the rules that should apply to your wife do not apply to you. Your moral compass is not working.

You need to see a counsellor as soon as possible.