Mon | Jul 16, 2018

Doctor's Advice: She is not interested in marriage

Published:Saturday | March 19, 2016 | 12:00 AM

Q: Good day. I am a guy of 16, and I would like your advice about a sex or love problem that I have with a girl.

Doc, she is beautiful and I love her. I met her a month ago and I fell in love with her immediately. I felt (and still feel) that I want to spend my life with her.

Two weeks ago, she let me have sex with her. This was the first-ever time for me, and I thought it was wonderful. She made me pull out at the last minute, but otherwise, everything was great.

A week ago, I told her that I love her and want to marry her. To my horror, she laughed in my face, Doc! In fact, she told me to grow up and not be so silly.

Since then, I have talked to her occasionally, but she has not even allowed me to kiss her. There has been no more sex, and now I hear from a friend that she is dating another boy.

Doc, I am feeling so low. I just can't understand why she would treat me like that. Surely, if she let me have sex with her, she must love me! Isn't that so, Doc?

A: No, I am afraid it isn't. There was a time long ago when most girls would not have sex unless they loved the guy. Sadly, those days are gone. Today, many young women will cheerfully have intercourse for the sheer pleasure of it - even if they do not love the guy and have no intention of marrying him.

I fear that you must just accept the fact that although this young lady let you have sex with her, she really does not want to do it again, and she clearly does not want to spend her life with you.

This has been a harsh lesson for you, and I am sorry that you are so upset. My best advice to you at the moment is not to try and date any girls for a while. You need to recover from this traumatic experience. Just get on with your life and your studies.

Although you may find it hard to believe at the moment, there will be other nice girls who will come in your life. Some day, there will probably be one who loves you.


Q: I am female, age 22, and, so far, I have successfully maintained my virginity, Doc. I am quite proud of this.

I am concerned about what will happen when I finally give in to a guy. Will it pain me a lot? Will there be floods of blood? And how will I know when my hymen breaks? By the way, I always use tampons.

A: Well, I think you are to be congratulated on maintaining your virginity up to the age of 22. By doing so, you have avoided having any pregnancy scares and also various vaginal infections which are caused from sex.

Now, loss of virginity is not usually as dramatic a moment as many young women think it will be. Mostly, it does not really hurt, especially if you are relaxed and happy so that the muscles don't get tightened up.

Also, the amount of blood loss is usually very light. Often, there are only a few drops. The bleeding is caused by the breaking of the hymen (or 'virgin's veil') as the penis goes through it.

In fact, as you are a regular tampon user, it is probable that your hymen has already broken. It probably 'went' when you first put a tampon in, but because you presumably had your period, you would not have noticed any slight blood loss caused from the breaking of the hymen, so really, you have nothing to fret about.

If you have any other concerns about your virginity, do write to me again.


Q: Doc, my girlfriend and I took a chance last night and went all the way. We really do not want a pregnancy at this time as we are only 18.

When is it too late to take the morning-after pill?

A: Well, the so-called morning-after pill can be taken quite a lot later than the actual morning after.

For instance, the well-known Postinor can be employed up to 72 hours (three days) after having sex.

There are other 'post-coital' medications. For instance, a few women have what is called the post-coital coil, which can be inserted up to five days after sex.

I am afraid, however, that you and your girlfriend are now too late to do anything to prevent pregnancy, so you will just have to wait and see whether her menses arrive.

If they do, I urge you both to start using some reliable method of contraception, such as the Pill, the jab or the condom.


Q: Hi, Doc. Some months my menses last seven days, and some months, it is only two to three days. Is this OK?

A: Yes, it is. Some young women do vary a lot in the length of their periods.

However, seven days is quite a lot. If you keep on having seven-day menses, then you could well become anaemic (weak-blooded) because of the loss of iron in the period.

Therefore, I advise any young woman whose periods go on for seven days to see a doctor and do a blood test for anaemia.


Q: Doc, I am ashamed to admit this, but some of my friends urged me to give my girlfriend a 'facial'.

I did this last night, and, to my horror, she started screaming and yelling when the man-fluid got in her eye! She said it hurt her badly.

Your advice, please.

A: I feel that doing this because your friends urged you to was pretty dumb. Did you ask your girlfriend before you gave her this 'facial'?

If you didn't, then that was pretty disrespectful to her. Legally, it might well be considered as an assault against her.

Anyway, the fact is that human seminal fluid can be intensely irritating to the eyes. No wonder your poor girlfriend said it pained her! Please do not do this again.

Sometimes, couples do accidentally get semen in the eyes. The correct first aid for this is to wash both eyes out at once with copious amounts of clean, cool water.


Q: I am 21, and my doctor has recommended a coil. Am I right in thinking that this would make my menses heavier?

A: Yes, generally, the coil (the IUD) will make the periods a bit heavier and a bit longer. Unfortunately, it may also make them more painful.

However, if you do have problems with those side-effects, it would be easy for your doctor to take the device out for you. This is done by putting a surgical clip on the threads and pulling. Usually, this does not hurt much.


Q: I am a 19-year-old female. Somehow, I just had a kiss from a lesbian girl. Could this give me HIV, Doc?

A: This is wildly unlikely, I assure you. Kissing is not a very effective way of transmitting HIV. Also, lesbians are not noted for carrying the virus.

- Email questions to Doc at and read more in the 'Outlook Magazine' tomorrow.