Wed | Sep 23, 2020

Releasing the pain on Mothers Day

Published:Friday | May 4, 2018 | 12:00 AMRocheda Bartley

Mothers day is right around the corner, which means many persons are gearing up to spend the day showering their mother or wel- respected mother figure with love and gifts. But sadly, this will not be the case for all, especially for those who have lost their mother. We know the day could revive pain and want to help you. Justine East is an associate psychologist at Caribbean Tots to Teens, and with her advice, we'll help you to get by on Mother's Day. This is what you need to do.

Do not be afraid to mourn - As you anticipate the day and will eventually experience it, give yourself some time to grieve. It will make you feel much better. And certainly it doesn't mean you're weak, it means you're human, and grieving is normal and expected when someone so important to you is gone.

Dedicate something new to her - You may have had a special activity that you would usually do with your mother. I know for some it may be too painful to continue doing it without her. So, try something new like planting flowers, having a small ceremony, writing a letter to her telling her about your accomplishments for the past year, releasing a paper lantern or balloon into the sky at a special spot, lighting candles or buying a Mother's Day card and writing a message to her every year.

Reach out for support from friends and family - Talking about your challenges always helps to soothe the mind. You can talk about happy moments you shared with your mother. It will help to make you feel better.

Use your children to help you cope - If you have children, teach them something new every year that your mother taught you. And do not feel guilty to create new moments of enjoyment without her. Think of all the good that she would want for you. Also, you could try to spend time doing things that your mother used to do with or for you. For example, getting a massage or going for a walk.

Let go of guilt - It makes no sense you hold on to guilt. Try not to beat yourself up if you didn't have a very good relationship with your mother before she passed away. There's no such thing as a perfect mother-daughter relationship.

Set an extra place for her at the dinner table or wherever - You could put a photograph of her at the place setting as well to honour her. Each member of the family could also share a special memory that they had with her.

Donate your time to charity - Try volunteering at a children's home or a hospital with those who have also lost their mother or can't be with them, or just somewhere where you can give back to those in need. This also helps to take your mind off the pain of losing your mother.