Mon | Oct 14, 2019

Useless ex-husband wants me back

Published:Tuesday | October 28, 2014 | 12:00 AM

Q: My ex-husband wants to come back to me after all these years. He has gone through three divorces and none of the wives is on good terms with him. I am the only one he is in contact with. He treated me badly. He left me with two kids and I raised them by myself. He did not help financially and he was definitely not around. He went overseas and got married and none of the marriages lasted very long. In fact, his ex-wives have all contacted me and told me about him. He has not changed. The irritating thing is that my daughters all think I should take him back. They are both happily married with children. They want me to take him because I am now retired and living alone in a big house. I am not in a relationship but I abhor my ex-husband. I have no feelings for him. He has never said sorry for what he did to the children and me. He claims he is a changed man. He has not done well financially. He has nothing to offer me. I rather my own company and independence rather than to have him back. His three other children do not think highly of him. What would I be doing with him? Am I unforgiving not to want him back?

A: You need to tell you ex-husband and daughters that you have moved on and you are no longer interested in a relationship with him. Tell them to continue relating to their father and encourage him to find love somewhere else. It is rather insensitive of your daughters to be encouraging you to be re-united with you ex-husband after all you have gone through. They are happily married and they should desire to see you happy, and need to understand that you can be happy without being married.

You are not unforgiving to not want him back. Once you do not hate him or are bitter towards him then you are not unforgiving. You can forgive him and not want to be reconciled with him in marriage.

There are many other options you can explore. You could try and get a tenant in the big house and that could be a form of company. The children and grandchildren could visit you on weekends with a different family each weekend. Furthermore, you could move in with one of your daughters if that is convenient or practical.

Since you are retired, you could develop new hobbies and work with additional charities. You can volunteer your time to a worthwhile cause.

If your desire is to find a companion then you should go to places where the probability of meeting someone will be great.