Fri | Dec 2, 2016

Two children, but no support from fathers

Published:Tuesday | November 4, 2014 | 12:00 AM

Q: I have had two children with two men. Neither of the two fathers is supporting his child. The children are not obedient. They are not doing well at school. They hate doing homework. They enjoy idling and playing. I wish I did not have them. I want to give them up for adoption. Unfortunately, I lost my job and it is difficult to find another one. Now, the children will not listen to me. My mother does not want to help by keeping these children because she claims that they are too rude. My father is in a position to help, but he claims that he warned me to not get involved with those men. Truth be told, he was just like them when he was much younger. I am getting miserable and I do not laugh anymore. There was a time when these children were the joy and pride of my life. I feel alone in this world with no one to help me financially. I do not have any savings. I used it all up. These problem children are getting to me.

A: It is awful not to be able to care for your children that you brought into the world. It is good that you enjoyed caring for your children in the past and, hopefully, that joy will return one day. You have the potential to be a good mother again and move from being miserable to being compassionate and loving.

The comment about "problem children" is unfortunate because children are gifts from God. Instead of calling them problem children, it is better to see them as children with problems that can be solved. The condition of the children is not permanent and can be fixed.

Perhaps the financial situation is getting to them also. You must never lose sight that children ought to be perceived as both a privilege and a responsibility. It is sad that none of the fathers is helping with the financial care of the children. You need to take them to Family Court and force them to care for their children. In addition, they should help with the rearing of them. They also ought to be teaching them right from wrong.

Child rearing is a difficult calling and it is sad that your mother and father, for different reasons, will not help you. However, child rearing is your primary responsibility. Some children can be demanding. It is also normal for children to want to play, and you have to encourage them to have a balance between schoolwork and play time.

You need to access help from the relevant government agency so that you can care for the basic needs of the children. Perhaps you could talk to the children's school principal for assistance. Also, you should try getting help from charities and churches.

It is very important not to have another child for now. It is your call whether to offer the children up for adoption, but that will take a while.

You should seek help from a counsellor.

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