Mon | Aug 20, 2018

I can't understand my wife! She has changed!

Published:Thursday | February 19, 2015 | 12:00 AM

Q: I do not seem to comprehend my wife. She has changed significantly since we had our first child two years ago. I thought the arrival of the girl would have brought her happiness, similar to the joy I am experiencing. Instead, she snaps at me and nags me. I have bought a bigger and better house and thought she would be more contented. But that did not happen. She does not have to work, and I thought that would make her contented, but no such luck. We will be in the house for days and there is minimum communication. She will communicate by texts only even when we are at home. Then all of a sudden, she behaves as if nothing happened and will be talkative. I am frustrated. Am I missing something?


A: It is never easy to understand another human being, even your wife. Perhaps you will never fully understand her. Some things will remain a mystery just as how it is believed that every person has a 'blind spot' and that part is unknown to the individual. Furthermore, persons change over time, so interests might change, the outlook on and focus of life can change. The birth of the baby could have caused some of the changes. Sometimes women experience postnatal depression after the birth of a child. Nevertheless, for a relationship to develop, there has to be helpful communication.

Perhaps you need to listen more to your wife and consult more. It appears as if you made one-sided decisions to buy a larger house without adequate discussion and preparation of your wife's mind for this new house. There are pros and cons of moving to a new house and both of you should have discussed it and determined that there were more positives.

Additionally, your wife might not be feeling fulfilled in being a housewife only. She might want also to pursue a job or she might want to go back to school. The arrangement seems to centre on her being a homemaker only. It could be that she is resentful and wants more independence and participation in decision making in the household. Your role as husband and father cannot be confined with being a provider only. You must be a good communicator.

Please take note of your wife, whether she displays symptoms such as sorrow, weariness, reduced libido, worry, and bad temper. She might need to see a counsellor. It could be that your wife is bipolar, so you should get her to do a physical check-up to determine her condition. Her behaviour needs urgent attention.

I would, therefore, recommend that you both consult a counsellor even as she gets a physical examination.