Fri | Aug 17, 2018

How short should your dress be?

Published:Saturday | May 9, 2015 | 12:00 AM

Dear Joan,

I am a young convert who recently started going to church, but the truth is I am thinking of quitting as I can't deal with some of the stares I get in church.

Before I gave my heart to the Lord, I used to attend a lot of parties and stuff and I really don't have a lot of church clothes. Most of my skirts are a bit on the short side - OK, they are really short, but to compensate, I wear tights to ensure I am not exposing anything.

You should see the looks I get from some of the members! They think I don't know, but sometimes I can see them signalling other members to take a look at me. I don't have the money to get any new set of clothes. I really want to go to church, but more and more I am thinking, what's the use.

- R.M.


Dear R.M.

Just reading your letter makes me sad. While it is true that one should dress modestly in church, the fact that you are a young convert and that you are just starting out on this journey should see them taking you under their wings.

You are conscious enough to wear tights to carry off your short outfits, so what they should have been doing is talking to you, encouraging you and possibly help you in sourcing more 'outfits befitting church' instead of making you feel like a square peg.

I am imploring you not to give up. Just because there are some insensitive people in your church doesn't mean you should walk away from the choice you have made. I would encourage you to talk to the pastor and let him or her know what's going on, I am sure you will come away with a different point of view.


- Joan


Fiance pressuring me to make love

Dear Joan,

I am engaged to be married and I am really looking forward to it, but sometimes I wonder if I have made the right choice when it comes to a partner. We both attend the same church, and I thought we were both committed when it comes on to serving the Lord and allowing Him to have His way in our lives.

The truth is, he has been pressuring me to sleep with him "even once", saying he is basically 'buying puss in a bag'.

He says he will not pressure me ever again to sleep with him, if I just let him have the experience with me just once so he will know that "everything is alright".

I tell him that would be fornicating and I don't see why we both can't anticipate our wedding night when we both will discover each other. If I ask God for bread, I am not expecting a stone, so why can't he see that. Am I unreasonable in wanting to hold out for my wedding night?

- J.K.


Dear J.K.,

I must congratulate you on staying true to what you believe. In spite of what your fiance believes, a lot of couples have actually waited on their wedding night to consummate their marriages. That 'puss in a bag' talk is his way of trying to 'sample the goods' before you two are married.

If he is as committed to the Lord as he says, then he would be practicing faith knowing that the Lord has something good stored up for him. He should not be encouraging you to commit fornication.

This leads me to wonder, what if he actually got his way and made love to you, if he, for whatever reason, changes his mind about the marriage - where does that leave you?

I can't tell you what to do, but I can suggest you stay true to yourself and follow the conviction of your heart.

If he keeps pressuring you, then you have to decide if he really loves you as he claims and if he is as committed to the Lord as he is professing.


- Joan

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