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Faith Counsellor: My child’s father won’t marry me, I want to be baptised

Published:Saturday | May 30, 2015 | 12:00 AM

Dear Joan,

I have been living with my child's father for almost 13 years and he keeps saying it is his intention to marry me. I am now at that stage where I need to give my life to the Lord. I don't want to go into the Church and still be living with him. He said I should give him time as he really loves me. He wants a really big wedding, and the reality is that we just don't have the finances for that sort of thing. He is contented to wait until his break comes, but I am not. When I press him on the issue, he gets irritated and asks me why I don't just go ahead and get baptised if I really want to. But, Joan, what kind of a message would I be sending? I would be baptised and still living in sin with him.

What can I do to make him realise that I am serious about wanting to commit my life to Lord? I am so worried that if I die tonight, my soul will be lost. What should I do? I am so discontented.

- H.P.


Dear H.P.,

Growing up, I have always heard my grandmother saying, "A man who has a cow doesn't need to buy milk", and your situation fits that description very well. He already has you in his home giving him all the wifely duties. The only thing that would change is the fact that he is making it legal.

After 13 years with you, and he hasn't it seen it fit to make you his wife, I think something is wrong with that. Many men use the excuse about wanting a big, fancy wedding to stall making that final commitment. Truth be told, women are normally the fussy ones when it comes on to a particular type of wedding. I can't make your decision for you, but you have to decide which is more important: peace of mind where your Lord and Saviour is concerned, or shacking up - because that's really what you are doing. I have seen many cases such as yours where the women involved step out in faith and live on their own or stay with their relatives for a while.

I have also seen where some of the men involved do the right thing and marry them. After all, those who know the worth of the women they have, when pushed, normally do the right thing.

I hope you make the right choice

- Joan


Feeling pressured in church

Dear Joan,

I am a struggling Christian. I am working, but it seems there is never enough to do what needs to be done, financially speaking. It doesn't make it any easier that almost every week when I go to church, they are always appealing for help for one thing or the other. Some days they are appealing for three causes. Many of the members are not working, and those who are, have their children to think about. By the time you give for one cause, they are asking you to give for another. Is it wrong to feel resentful about this? I sometimes think I just want to stay home and not go to church. I am so tired of it. I really want to know your opinion on this matter.

- J.B.


Dear J.B.,

I don't know about the 'causes' that you are talking about. Count yourself fortunate that you are among those who are employed. There are times when my church presents causes, too, and I can tell you that they are genuine. For instance, there is a welfare department, and when a member doesn't have a meal to go home to or has challenges sending his or her child to school, the pastor will ask for a 'special offering'. But what is not done is tell what it is for in the interest of protecting the person who is being helped.

You don't need to feel pressured. Sometimes when the call is made, if I have it, I give. If I don't, then that offering plate passes me by!

You shouldn't feel resentment about that. I have one question to ask: What if you were the one in need of help for whatever reason, is this the attitude you would want prospective givers to have?

Too often we fail to put ourselves in the place of others, and that's when selfish emotions creep in. I am not saying you should go about giving to every cause - allow the Spirit to lead you in that direction - but take a little time to think about the well-being of those less fortunate than you.

- Joan

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