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Faith counsellor: Pregnant and not married

Published:Saturday | June 13, 2015 | 12:00 AM

Dear Joan,

I got involved with someone who I thought would be making the relationship more permanent. I was active in the Church when he became a member. It wasn't long after that we started dating and I realised I had a lot in common with this guy. He was fun loving, we enjoyed the same kind of music, and he was as enthusiastic about the Word as I am.

He soon told me that he had strong feelings for me and that he wanted me to be his wife. I was excited because, the truth is, I had developed feelings for him too.

I told him we should have a talk with our pastor if he wanted to take things to the next level. To my surprise, he seemed hesitant. He said it was our business and the only seeking we should be doing about the relationship was with God.

That didn't sound like a bad idea to me and I gave in. It wasn't long before our make out sessions started to get more heated and harder to stop before it went too far.

I realised that I was always the one to put a stop to his asking why we couldn't go all the way. I told him I wanted to save myself for our wedding night and he got upset, saying that if I really loved him, I would allow him to make love to me.

Joan, honestly, I knew I shouldn't, but he kept wearing me down with his pleas so one night I just gave in.

Now, I am 10 weeks pregnant and, since I gave him the news, he is a different person altogether. He even has the audacity to be questioning if the child is his. He has stopped coming to church and now I am left with the guilt and the upcoming embarrassment of my church brethren finding out that while I was on the choir singing and praising God, I was also messing around.

I am so ashamed. Why didn't I see his true colours?

- G.T.


Dear G.T.

I hate to tell you this, but you are the victim of a player. He is what the Bible describes as 'wolf in sheep clothing'. It is clear that he came into your church with one intention and that was to get you in his bed. He was not as saved as you thought. You saw what you wanted to see.

That's the trouble with a lot of people rushing into marriage now. Some are desperate; they have been single for too long and so grasp at the first prospect that comes their way. Others allow themselves to be charmed off their feet without seeking guidance or waiting on the Lord in getting confirmation for their choice.

However, I will not condemn you for what happened, I hope this is a learning experience for you. Don't worry too much about what your church brethren might say when they find out you are pregnant. No one is perfect and you are not the only person who has fallen from grace.

The important thing is to ask God's forgiveness and continue on your journey. Talk to your pastor and I am sure he will give you all the support you need.

- Joan


Dear Joan,

I need your help in witnessing to one of my friends. I was sharing my faith with her and telling her how much the Lord has been there for me all the time. I told her I could not go on had it not been for His grace taking me through the rough times in my life. Imagine my surprise when she told me point blank she doesn't believe there is a God. I asked her why she would say such a thing and she told me to look around me. According to her, if there was a God so many children would not be dying and that innocent people would not be losing their lives. She claims He would strike them dead before they could carry out the act.

Honestly, I see where she is coming from, but to explain my faith to her, I couldn't, I just know that in spite of all that's happening, I do believe that there is a God.

Please could you help me with some pointers.

- J.K.


Dear J.K.,

If your friend has made up her mind that there is no God, then you have to be really careful about the way you present your facts to her. First of all, ask the Lord for guidance and also pray for your friend that the Holy Spirit will make Himself real to her.

Addressing her argument that if God really did exist He would not have allowed the children to be killed - remind her that God gave every person a choice. Some choose to do good, others evil. It's also the same God who watched as a mob nailed His only begotten Son to the cross so that He could pay the penalty for our sins.

If God should strike everyone dead before they committed a sin then, sadly, she would not be around either as there is not one person on the earth who is sin-free.

Prayerfully take her through the scriptures that supports God's existence and explain about God's mercy, which will allow Him to give as many chances as it takes.

I hope I have been of some help to you.

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