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Faith Counsellor: 'My church is against remarriage and I am lonely'

Published:Saturday | June 20, 2015 | 12:00 AM

Dear Joan,

It has been five years since I parted ways with my husband. He was a lying, cheating, abusive sorry excuse for a man. I married him before I gave my heart to the Lord and, for a while, things were OK. But about two years into the marriage, he started to show his true colours and, truth is, I just didn't like what I saw.

The first time I found out he cheated on me, he swore it would never happen again, but then his women started calling the house and disrespecting me. When I brought it up, he got abusive and even started disrespecting me.

I saw then that the relationship was going nowhere. In the interest of peace, I walked out and left him with everything. I didn't care about the house. I just wanted to start a new life.

That was five years ago. I have since met someone who is everything I want in a husband. He is a Christian, dedicated and just so sweet. The trouble is, our church doesn't believe in second marriages. I love him, he loves me, and I find it hard to believe that God doesn't believe in second chances.

What's your take on this?

- H.J.

Dear H.J.,

I know of ministers from some denominations who will never conduct a marriage ceremony if it's the second time around. My advice to you though is - if this person is really important to you and you both love each other, as you claim, you might actually have to consider being part of another denomination.

The Bible did mention that, initially, divorce was never a part of God's plan for His people, but because of the hardness of their hearts, He allowed it.

In your case, your ex-husband is an unbeliever and he was abusing you, and I do believe you have every reason to walk away from the relationship. There are so many stories out there where the abuse has gotten deadly - we wouldn't want you to be one of those statistics.

Now that you are contemplating getting married again, I suggest you both get counselling before you make the trek down the aisle. Pray about what you will be doing and, if everything 'feels just right', I say go for it!



Married for years and childless

Dear Joan,

My wife and I have been married for 20 years now and we have pretty much given up on being parents. It was a big disappointment as, year after year, we kept hoping that we would experience that miracle - but it is not to be.

Being Christians, we have made peace with that fact that it is not going to happen. But one thing we want to point out, as we have experienced it over the years is that our own church brethren can really be insensitive. I am much stronger than my wife, so I don't allow those things to bother me.

There are days when she comes home from church depressed because one member or another makes it their business to question her childlessness. They make comments from time to time like: 'What are you waiting for?' 'You married forever, what, you not gonna have a child?' or 'A time for you to get a baby now.'

Joan, I am just writing this letter for people like those to read it and realise how careless words can hurt people.

- J.T.

Dear J.T.,

Thanks so much for writing this letter. I do agree with you that some people can really be insensitive, but it is even more disturbing when it is coming from those who should know better. Procreation is not something we can make happen just by willing it. You have not given your ages, but I am wondering if you sought any medical opinion to ascertain if there is anything that can be done. Also, you could think about the other option of fostering a child or even adopting one. There are so many children out there who are in need of love.

God bless you both.

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