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Fine fathers, manipulative mothers: Psychometrician urges women to stop using children as pawns

Published:Saturday | June 20, 2015 | 6:00 AMGleaner Writer

THE STORIES about absentee fathers are always told, but little about those who yearn to fulfill their obligations and who must deal with the tricks played by the mothers involved.

A frustrated grandmother related an incident to Family and Religion where the relationship between her son and his child's mother went sour. After realising he had moved on with his life with another woman, she started to deny him visits to his daughter.

The case was taken to court where she received custody of the child and the father would take her on weekends. The mother deliberately moved to a rural community, only making demands for money and refusing to allow the child to spend time with her father.

For another grandmother, after getting the news that her son and his girlfriend were expecting, she bought baby supplies and sent to Jamaica. All was good and blissful until the relationship went downhill months after the baby was born.

After the child's mother saw her son with another woman, she brought police to the house and told them he was not the father of the baby. He was left heartbroken and the grandmother upset.

But now, the mother is changing her tune, saying she did it because she was mad with the father. That case is still before the courts.

 

not unique

 

These stories are not unique as there are other fathers out there who have experiences where their children's mothers are proving to be manipulative as well as vindictive.

Tomorrow, as Father's Day is celebrated in several countries across the globe, some will have to enjoy their children from a distance because of the hostile relationship with the mothers.

Linton 'Happy' Smith, psychometrician at the Delta Learning System, said mothers who behave in this manner are concerned about one thing - winning.

"I must come out good. It doesn't matter who is hurting in the process. It comes out as selfishness; they are selfish," he said.

According to Smith, once there is a child involved when a relationship goes sour, parents simply cannot call it a day and move on.

He warned that there are repercussions for this kind of selfish behaviour as the child in question could also become manipulative as he or she seeks to earn favour from both parents.

In the case of the vengeful mother, the father is not the only one who will lose out on a good relationship with his child, but the child also.

Not only will parental conflict increase, but, eventually, when that child gets older, he will seek out the parent that is being cut off.

The truth will eventually come out and that mother could find herself being left out in the cold as the child, now a young adult, will see the manipulation for what it was.

A good father will not 'just go away' but will persist in building a relationship with his child so, in the long run, that mother will not come out smelling like a rose.

According to Smith, the negative repercussions of all that manipulation on the mother's part can also affect the child's social behaviour.

"In trying to get attention, they could end up displaying anti-social behaviour. In their cry for attention, they will do things to attract it. If they are in an environment where there is animosity, they will soak it up and play it out," he said.

familyandreligion@gleanerjm.com