Dear Counsellor: My ex wants more
Q: I ran into my ex at a function at which I was a major speaker and he was a participant. I had not seen him in 11 years. It was a chance meeting. It was good seeing and talking to him, but nothing more.
However, when we were parting, he asked for a kiss and I kissed him on the cheek. He said he wanted a kiss on the lips, but I refused. We are both married with children.
It was a three-day conference. The following day, he indicated he wanted me. I told him I was not interested. I found out that he married not out of love, but for what his wife could do for him. She had money and is well-connected. He was experiencing hard times and got involved with her.
We exchanged telephone numbers. He sometimes calls, asking to go on a date. He claims he just wants to go on one date to catch up on the details of our lives and to recall fun times we had in the past. Do you believe he will stop bothering me if I go out with him this once?
A: It is hardly likely your ex will stop bothering you if you go on a date with him. It appears to be a trick, luring you into his tangled web. He wants more from you and is using all the tricks in the trade. You just wanted a friendly, civil conversation but he has other things on his mind. He is up to no good.
Continue to stand firm on your principles in refusing your ex's advances. Your husband will be proud of you and you will feel good about yourself. You should continue to build your family relationships and ignore your ex. Concentrate your energies on your husband and children. Obviously, he is not good for his wife while you are in a good marriage and want to continue with your husband. You have more to lose than he does, therefore, avoid him. He is trouble.
You have not been in touch with him for 11 years, so you do not know him very well. He could have changed into a dangerous person. Therefore, avoid him at all costs. If you are going out with him, tell him you want his wife there and you will have to bring your husband too.
Tell him to stop calling you. If he persists, tell him you will tell your spouse. Additionally, you could change your telephone number. However, if he continues to pester you, consider reporting him to the police.