The single Christian blues
I wish that all were as I myself am, but each has his own gift from God; one of one kind and one of another. To the unmarried and the widows, I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am. 1 Corinthians 7: 7-8
number of single Christians, at some point in their lives, have wondered if they will ever find the person of their dream; that special someone who will complete them. The longer it takes, the more the questions arise about whether they are attending the wrong church, if they are attractive enough, or if it's God's plan for them to ever have a partner.
For some single Christians, when the process takes too long, panic sets in and then wrong choices are made. Some end up being unequally yoked, while others settle for partners they wouldn't normally pursue.
For others, a feeling of resentment sets as they wonder why God hasn't come through for them, yet He has favoured others.
Joan Gumbs, counsellor and pastor of How Ya Livin' Now - a deliverance outreach ministry, told Family and Religion that it is only human to experience all these emotions as it is not easy to see your friends and family members marry while you remain single.
"However, when the feeling comes, rebuke it in the name of Jesus because you know it is not of God. There is nothing wrong with being single," she said, adding that the Apostle Paul appreciated being single even more than being married. Why? "He who is unmarried cares for the things of the Lord - how he may please the Lord, but he who is married, cares about the things of the world - how he may please his wife."
Gumbs, who has first-hand knowledge of single life and feelings of loneliness, said.
"It is not something I feel ashamed of because it is all a part of being human, however, what I have discovered is that the closer I get to God, the relationship between you and God becomes more intimate. I find [that] I experience the feeling of loneliness less and less. These days, I can't remember the last time I felt lonely. So my suggestion for you to cope with feelings of loneliness is to read the Scriptures (I Timothy 5:5) more and pray night and day."
lack of confidence
For some single Christians, their remaining in this status is partly because of a lack of confidence in themselves. Gumbs points out that, unlike unsaved single men, Christian men are not as bold in making the first move towards members of the opposite sex. It is in this vein that she is also suggesting to single women that a man's lack of action towards them should not be taken personally.
The key to finding true acceptance in whatever status, according to Gumbs, is understanding God's will for your lives.
"Have you ever had a situation where you were happy that God did not answer a particular prayer? Trust God to know what is right for you. He sees the bigger picture, and if you are walking in His will, then you can be assured that if you are not getting the answer you seek, then, more than likely, it is either no or not time yet. After all, Proverbs 3:6 states, 'In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths'."
In the meantime, Gumbs said single Christians, while waiting to find their husband's or wives, should bring themselves to a state of 'readiness'.
"More often than not, where you are in that stage will determine when you do find your wife, or your husband finds you. So you've prayed for a husband and now you're waiting. Well, are you a wife? Ask the Lord to teach you how to be a wife ... same thing for the man," she said.