Sun | Feb 25, 2018

'My father thinks I am marrying below my station'

Published:Saturday | December 12, 2015 | 12:00 AM

'My father thinks I am marrying below my


Dear Joan,

I am in love with a wonderful man. He is so considerate. He makes me feel good about myself. We can talk for hours about any and everything. When I am down, he knows just how to cheer me up and, honestly, I consider him my confidante and best friend.

We have been dating for almost a year, and we have never crossed the line, and it's not because I don't want to. We are both Christians and attend the same church. What I admire the most about him is his commitment to God. He is very firm in his faith, and sometimes when I push the handle wanting to take things further, he is the one who calls a halt, saying he wants "everything to be right" when we finally consummate our marriage.

There is just one glitch in all this: my father can't stand him. He thinks I am looking down and can do much better for myself, as the man I am in love with is a taxi driver. My father claims I am bringing down shame on the family by being an accountant and marrying a mere taxi driver.

My fiancÈ doesn't know the extent of my father's disdain for him. I keep putting off setting a date for the wedding because I am hoping my father will eventually come around and see what a wonderful man I have in my life. What else can I do to make my father see reason?

- J.H.

Dear J.H.,

I have got news for you, forget your father's disdain and focus on the man of your dreams. You are forgetting one thing, your father has lived his life already, and now, it is your turn to have a say in yours.

I know of a friend who was in a similar situation, and she went ahead with the marriage. Her father was so upset. He did not walk her down the aisle - her brother did. It was tense for the first two years, but after her father saw the kind of care his daughter was receiving and how much they were devoted to each other, he became her husband's biggest fan.

My dear, if you truly believe the two of you have something great going on, then show faith in that belief. From all that you describe, this man seems to really love you.

You are an accountant; you can help him to go further in his business. With the right financial advice, he can use his money to invest in other things, and even acquire more cars to start a fleet.

God bless you both as you plan your lives together.

- Joan

I can't do anything!

Dear Joan,

I have been a Christian for two years now, and I am beginning to think I don't serve any purpose in church. I don't like to testify because I can't take the eyes on me. I can't sing - my voice is terrible. I am a shy person, so forget about witnessing. Sometimes I wonder what kind of service I can give to God with all these handicaps. I feel like a bench warmer.

- K.M.

Dear K.M.,

Cheer up! The best thing of all is that you have accepted Christ as your Lord and Saviour. Now stop stressing and feed on the word until you find your place in the Kingdom. You would be surprised to know that you are not unique in your situation. You still have time to build up your confidence and see just where you fit in the body of Christ.

Remember, some of the most powerful witnesses in the Bible were also 'inadequate'. Just like you, they had a lot of excuses why they couldn't do the Lord's work, but guess what? God showed them that they can indeed do all things through Him. Moses was a stutterer, and look at the kind of victory he pulled off for the Israelites. Peter was unlearned, and what a powerful witness he turned out to be. There are lots more important ways of ministering without singing or doing some grand gestures. You can visit the sick in the hospital and just pray for some of the sick folks, visit a senior citizen home or help young children with their homework. Stop thinking about the big things that are attention driven, and focus on what you can do in your little corner of the world.

God bless.

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