Sun | Nov 18, 2018

Faith Counsellor: My husband prefers sport than to talk

Published:Saturday | December 19, 2015 | 12:00 AM

Dear Joan,

Right now, I am feeling very annoyed with my husband. Whenever I want to have a conversation with him, he always has his eyes glued to the tube. When it is not cricket, then it is football or athletics, my timing never seems to be right. Sometimes I just wish he would forget about the game and pay more attention to me. When I try to talk about it, he says I am being unfair, claiming that I always choose the most inappropriate times to demand attention.

Honestly Joan, is there such as thing as 'inappropriate' where husband and wife are concerned? Isn't he choosing the game over us? After all, I am his wife, I should have first place over all that. What do you think?


Dear K.M.,

Your poor husband. I am so sorry if you were expecting me to see your side of things. Be honest, isn't there a particular show that you like on television? A lot of husbands know not to interrupt their wives when they are stuck on Lifetime Movie Network or one of those Tyler Perry series. So what if your husband wants to indulge with his favourite games ... you should find something to occupy your time until the game is over. It won't last forever you know and just think how much better of a mood he will be in after the game.

If the only time you seek his attention is when he is hooked on a game, then, yes, I would say that you could exercise better judgement. Trust me, it is not worth causing a rift in your relationship ... there are worse things than having a husband who enjoys a few games ... count your blessings, at least he is right there at home with you.


Help my wife is too jealous

Dear Joan,

My wife is driving me up the wall in frustration! I am a family man, I love my wife and three children - would do anything for them. I oftentimes go the extra mile just to ensure that they are happy, but for some reason, my wife has it in her head that I have a wandering eye.

I have reassured her time and time again that I am not the cheating kind, but does she listen? No. I am the choir director at my church and so sometimes I will be on the phone with some of the members of the choir brainstorming to see what songs we can do. Members include men and women ... her problem starts the minute she looks at my WhatsApp messages and realises it's a female I am talking to. This sets her off and she starts to get miserable, accusing me of being interested in them.

I am tired of assuring her that there is nothing going on, but she won't budge on her suspicions. It is so bad that she gives the females in question attitude at church, so much so that a few came to me asking if they have done something to offend my wife as she is sending off some strange vibes.

These days, I find myself thinking that since she wants a reason to mistrust me, I should just go ahead and give her one!


Dear F.R.,

Put that thought out of your head this minute! Just because you have a very insecure wife is no reason for you to compound it by actually cheating. Your wife's paranoia could actually be stemming from a bad experience in the past which sees her now finding it hard to trust. I think you should go beyond her insecurity and find out what's the real issue. If that is the case then she needs counselling. If it's a low self-esteem issue, then she needs to address that too. For her to be making the choir members feel uncomfortable is not right, I suggest you both seek help from a family counsellor before things get worse.

- Do you have an issue in the Church and need guidance? Send questions to