Wed | Nov 21, 2018

Married man tricked me

Published:Saturday | January 9, 2016 | 12:00 AM

Married man tricked me

Dear Joan,

I just want you to know that not every woman out there who is involved with a married man went into that relationship with their two eyes opened.

Growing up, I have always said that the last thing I want to do is to get involved with a married man. It was a promise I intended to keep with everything in me. In fact, I have repeated it so often that "I don't do married men" that I think it became my downfall. I met the person who I thought was the man of my dreams. I liked him, he seemed respectful, and was very considerate. He admitted that he is the father of two children, but he was single.

I believed him, especially as he didn't hesitate to take me places, and besides, I spoke with his children and I didn't get any bad vibes. I was going on blissfully in the relationship when whisperings finally caught up with me that I was dating a married man. I vigorously denied it, but when my own relatives started saying it to me, I asked someone to question one of his best friends. It was then that the truth came out that he was married.

He came to my house that night and I asked him 'out of the blue' if he was married. Would you believe that he still denied it? I was so angry and hurt. Joan, for the first time in my life I did what I vowed never to do - use a man. Before, I was reasonable, but after that, I started asking for everything! When I felt I had extracted my revenge, I cut off the relationship.

I am writing you so that other women won't be so gullible. Even if a man tells you that he is single, do some checks of your own. Not everyone will lie for him and he can't cover all his bases.

- D.C.

Dear D.C.,

Thanks for sharing your story, however, two wrongs do not make a right. I can totally understand your feelings of anger and betrayal, but when you found out the truth for yourself, you should have just walked away. He has a family and it's not their fault that he is a cheat. But with you demanding more and more, you were, in fact, robbing that family of what they should be receiving.

The good thing, though, is that you eventually did the right thing by leaving him. I trust that others reading this will take your advice.

My friend is too possessive

Dear Joan,

I need your help in getting my best friend to be less demanding. I love her a lot. I don't have a sister and she is the next best thing to one that I can think of. The trouble is that she is too possessive. She acts as if she owns me.

We live in the same community. In fact, I have known her forever. We went to Sunday school together, did our GSAT, and now we are attending the same high school. Our friendship has been solid. It's now that we are in fifth form that things are getting weird. Whenever she sees any girl talking to me, she comes by my side and acts so possessive that it effectively puts an end to whatever conversation we were having before.

I asked her once why she always scares away girls who show an interest in me. She said that she is protecting me. Is she questioning my judgement about women? How can I tell her to stop it without hurting her feelings?

- K.L.

Dear KL,

I'm sorry, but your letter actually made me smile. I wouldn't say you are 'daft', but it's obvious that you are missing some very telling signals coming your way. From your letter, I could easily pick up that your friend doesn't share your sisterly feelings. She feels more about you, and, in her own way is trying to make you see.

She is not 'scaring' other girls away. She is, in fact, 'protecting her own turf'.

At some point, you will have to deal with her unexpressed feelings for you. It is clear from your letter that you are not yet seeing her in that light. I would suggest you play it cool for a while, focus on your books and, later on, see where the friendship takes you.

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