Sun | Jan 20, 2019

I'm bored in my marriage

Published:Saturday | January 16, 2016 | 12:00 AM- Bored

Dear Joan,

I am a Christian and I really love the Lord. I have been married for close to 15 years and I am totally bored in my marriage. I don't know how to talk to my husband about the way I am feeling as I just don't want to hurt his feelings. He is not cheating on me, not that I know of anyway. He is a good provider and he is great with our two children, but when it comes on to our relationship, I feel like I am more his sister or a good friend than his wife.

I don't get excited about us making love. In fact, I don't have to because most nights when he gets in from his street evangelism, he is too tired anyway.

In the early years, before the children, we had an active sex life, but since he was ordained an evangelist and started his prison ministry plus outreach efforts, it seems he is so caught up in winning souls that he has forgotten about the pleasures that can be derived from lovemaking.

Don't get me wrong. I am proud about the way he is passionate about winning souls for Christ, but I just think he can strike a happy balance.

I would just love for him to take me out sometimes, or just stay home and cook me a nice meal, you know, do some fun things as husband and wife.

How can I reach my husband?

Dear Bored,

I honestly feel for you. Unfortunately, you are not the only one who is in this situation. Men and women in ministry, in giving of themselves, sometimes forget the most important part - family life.

You say your husband is wonderful in every way except when it comes to giving you some quality time and making you feel super special.

I think it's time you do something about it. You may not be excited about making love anymore, but, trust me, you might have to show him in no uncertain way that he has a hot wife still living in the house! If he is as wonderful as you say, he won't miss your message.

Once you have his total attention in bed, then you need to have a heart to heart with him. Start off by praising him. Let him know just how much you admire his zeal towards ministry, then tell him how lonely you feel sometimes.

Bare your soul to him in a gentle way and let him know you want to get back the excitement in your relationship as you love him a lot. I don't think he will be able to resist this kind of appeal.


I hate what my friend is doing

Dear Joan,

My best friend smokes, uses expletives and thinks nothing of sleeping with a guy she likes.

I am a Christian and each time she uses an expletive, I feel myself cringe inside. I really don't like it. I asked her twice already to refrain from using it and she apologised, but then she does it again. I also talk to her about sleeping with more than one partner and she just laughs and calls me a prude. She said I should start living my life and stop being such a self-righteous person. Honestly, I hate what my friend is doing and I want to help her.

Dear KM,

It's good that you want to help your friend, but it is obvious that your friend is determined to do what she wants to do. At this point, I think you should just continue to pray for her and give her company a break. For one thing, if she respected your Christianity, she would not be cursing so much around you. She is calling you self-righteous. That sounds like she is making a mockery of your faith. Ministering and witnessing to her doesn't mean you have to be in constant company with her.

Think about it.

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