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Faith Counsellor: Church hypocrite turns me off

Published:Saturday | January 30, 2016 | 12:00 AM

Dear Joan,

I used to attend a popular church in Kingston but I have stopped. I have even encouraged my friends to go to any church but that one.

I am totally turned off by the behaviour of a few church members. They were so upfront and nice with me when I just started attending. I felt I was at the right place and was looking forward to the fellowship. I was going through a rough time and really needed someone to talk to. I felt close to a sister and opened up about some of my personal issues.

Can you imagine how shocked I was to find out that she spread my business to others? When I confronted her about taking my business to other ears, she had the audacity to tell me that she was trying to get a solution for me and that's why she shared it with a few of the other members.

I was so mad, I stopped attending the church. The pastor came to see me and I expressed my disappointment. He told me I should move on and come back to church. I am sorry, I can't do that. I am going to find another church to attend; I am done with them at that church.



Dear Disappointed,

I have got news for you there is no perfect church. It is, after all a building that houses human beings who turn out to fellowship together. You will find conflicts at every church that you attend. So, if you run now, then chances are you will be forever changing churches because humans mess up that's what they do. The only perfect example is Jesus Christ and as such we all should strive to be more like Him each day/ But there will be times when we fail.

I am sorry you had that experience at church but you should understand also that it isn't good to hold bitterness in your heart. There is no doubt that you felt betrayed and hurt by the sister you confided in, but if she apologises, accept it and move on. What you can do is be careful about who you put your trust in. I have always said the only ears that will never spread your business is those of the Lord. If you need to unburden, find a quiet corner at home and get into the war room (your prayer space) and let it all out.

I hope you will find my words food for thought. God bless you.


Am I wasting my time?



Dear Joan,

I have been living with a man for more than six years and I have a child with him. Honestly, I want to give my life to the Lord but my child's father doesn't seem to be interested in getting married. He tells me every day that he loves me and that there is no one else for him, but to be honest I am having a problem believing that because when I express a desire for us to get married so that I can go to church, he finds one excuse after the other.

I am beginning to think that I am wasting my time waiting around for him to make an honest woman of me.

Should I stick around, or cut my losses now?

- JN

Dear JN,

Only you can decide if the relationship is worth fighting for. Six years living with someone, having his child and he can't decide if you are wife material, especially as he keeps reaffirming his love for you, is something you need to chew on.

My grandmother's advice was great back then and it is still good now "A man who has a cow doesn't need to buy milk!"

You are giving him all the benefits of having a wife so he really has no urgency to carry out the ceremonial part of the relationship.

Have a real good talk with him, put your feelings on the line. Let him know you love him but you want to secure your soul with God as life is not promised to anyone. If after all that he is still stalling, then my dear the next move is totally up to you.