Fri | Jul 20, 2018

I married a mama's boy

Published:Tuesday | February 23, 2016 | 12:00 AM

Q: I cannot understand why after five years of marriage my husband still clings to his mother. Every move he makes he consults his mother, and most times he talks to her before he talks to me. He does not have that type a relationship with his father. His parents are successful and well-to-do. They have a big house and we lived there for two years of the marriage. During that time, I noticed a trend of him consulting his mother. So when he had job offers, his mother's view took precedence over mine concerning what job he should take. I let that slide because I told myself that she was more experienced in the working world. However, he did not last four months in that job, and the job I was telling him to take was not available anymore. When we went to live on our own, it was his mother who decided where we should rent. Now, we want to own our own house and I wanted to start with a small house, but his mother wants something more lavish, which we cannot afford. If we are to go on vacation, his mother has to select the place. She is very kind and will help us financially, but I do not like how she dictates to him. Worst of all, any disagreement we have he calls his mother and asks who is right. He loves his mother dearly and he often reminds me that he was a sick child whose mother was always there for him. I am very frustrated and do not know what to do.

A: It is good that your husband loves his mother and appreciates what she has done for him. There is nothing wrong with consulting his mother, but the ultimate decision ought to be between both of you. Your husband is immature and he needs to grow up and take responsibility for his actions. He is being selfish. He would not like your mother to have such influence in your marriage, so why should he have his mother playing such a major role?

You need to sit him down and tell him that he needs to respect your views and the marriage. Then he needs to talk with his mother and father about the changes he will be making. You and your husband need to make your own mistakes. His mother might stop helping you financially, but it is worth paying that price.

If candid discussions do not work, then consult a counsellor.