Thu | Sep 20, 2018

Is she too young for me?

Published:Saturday | March 5, 2016 | 12:00 AM

Dear Joan,

I am almost 50 years old and divorced. I have given my life to the Lord and am very happy on the new path I have taken. I didn't have plans to tie the knot ever again, but I have met a wonderful woman who is almost half my age.

She assures me that she loves me a lot, but the trouble is that I am afraid to take that leap of faith and marry her. She is considerate, kind, involved in ministry, and full of enthusiasm when she talks about Christ. But she is so young! She acts very maturely, but I think about my first failed marriage and I don't want to fail again.

Do you think it could work?

- H.N.


Dear H.N.,

I am not the person you should be asking whether this relationship can work. You should prayerfully seek God's guidance on this path you want to take. But there is one thing I can tell you. If you are going into this relationship with any carry-over baggage from the first one, it is doomed to fail. Don't compare this woman with your wife. You could use this as an opportunity to correct the mistakes you two must have made in your first marriage.

If age is the only reason you are hesitating, I would say stop putting roadblocks in your way. If this woman is the one for you, her age will not be a deterrent in making the marriage work.

Have a heart-to-heart chat with her, share your insecurities, and you should both pray about this very important step you want to take.


I don't know how to make it right

Dear Joan,

The other day, I was reaching out to a friend of mine and she didn't respond. I 'WhatsApped' her and I saw the blue tick, which told me she saw the message. I called, left a voice message and even sent an email. I needed her to do something for me and got not a word in response. I felt really bad. What's worse, I didn't hear from her for weeks until I saw a missed call on my phone while in church. When I checked the voicemail, I realised she was reaching out to me, asking me to help her out with a project she was working on.

I did not return the call and she has not called back. Joan, as a Christian, I am now beginning to feel very guilty, as while doing my devotion, I felt conviction about it. I feel in my spirit that I should try to make it right somehow. The only thing is that I am not sure how to go about it.

- J.K.


Dear J.K.,

Misunderstanding is something we should all be careful about. There could be any number of reasons why your friend did not respond to you. You say the blue tick indicates that the message was read. That may well have been the case, however, it could be that the person couldn't respond at the time.

I am not saying you didn't have a right to feel peeved - you are human after all. As a Christian, the last thing we should do is spite the person who hurts us. We are told to forgive and show love. Try giving your friend a call and tell her the truth - just like you penned it to me. Let her know you felt a bit put out, and ask her forgiveness for your not responding. If she doesn't answer the phone, you could try paying her a visit with another church sister or brother.


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