Thu | Aug 17, 2017

The boat that sailed itself

Published:Sunday | March 6, 2016 | 3:00 AM
Marine police on a boat that did not sail itself.

And it came to pass, while the mass of the people of Jamrock were caught up in the mighty battle of the bell and the head, many missed a great miracle upon the waters just off the shore of this God-fearing nation.

Yea, in the book of John, a disciple of the Christ, it is written that Jesus told a man who had lost the ability to amble at will to take up his bed and walk. And it was done.

Also in John, it is written that the Christ commanded Lazarus to come forth from his grave, although he had been dead four days and should have been well ripe up by then. And it was done. Then, in Matthew, it is written that Jesus walked upon the water to his disciples on a boat.

Jamrock, a land of churches on every city corner and village knoll, a land where the extraordinary is regular, regular was not satisfied to have one of these three miracles on its record. Nay, a combination of all three was performed in Negril, an area famed for tourists and two of the things that pull them to the land of wood and water - ganja and imitation Rastafari.

A police boat, one of a gift of many such craft from the large land of Uncle Sam whose people desireth green herbs and white powder in great quantities, meant to interrupt inflow and outflow of said products, got up and sailed itself.

 

DISAPPEARING ACT

 

One night it was there and in the morning it was not. It was gone. Vanished. It seemed to have started its engines and chugged away, arisen from the long sleep of being docked, maybe touched by the hand of a taker who walked upon the salt water.

So the people not fully enthralled by political chatter of big houses and tax thresholds marvelled and muttered. After the battle for Gordon House had been decided it was discovered that the boat that sailed itself went far and wide to Honduras separated from its engines. Naturally, the question arose - if this could be done unto they who be guardians of the isle's borders, then whose security is sacrosanct?

In other words, as is written in the tomes of Steel Pulse, who shall guard the bodyguard?

Though the query is yet to be answered, the boat that sailed itself brought to mind previous miracles of sleight of hand wrought upon the isle of Jamrock.

There was the school that went missing, for once the Jamrockers got a donation of a certain number of educational institutions from a friendly foreign land. And when the coffers were exhausted, it was discovered that one school which had been paid for could not be found. The powers that be scored the land, from peak to coast, cane field to highway and could not find the school.

Staircases, railings, landings and offices, classrooms and playing field, all had vanished into thin air and the people were sorely puzzled.

Then there was the beach kissed by pristine waters one season in a place where there was rock stone the next. The sand was gone and the people were amazed.

 

GREATEST MIRACLE

 

But, reasoned those in the know, though those be national miracles, one of the greatest occurred at the seat of highest learning in the land, the University of the West Indies, Mona campus, in the late 1980s.

There was intense revelry and costuming, wining and grinding, prancing and dancing for it was the season of Carnival across the campus.

When the frolicking were o'er, it was time for reckoning and reconciliation. The bills were brought in but though the financial wizards in training added and subtracted time and again the books were out of balance. The problem was identified - $16,000 spent for a reason unspecified.

So he who spent the money was questioned, for what did thou make this great outlay, this at a time when it takes a mere six and mash of Jamrock currency to purchase a single Uncle Sam bill? He replied in one word - "ice".

Then where art the ice, the questioners pressed, and he who had spent the cash surveyed them as if they were morons and replied in two words - "it melt."

And they who probed had no answer, although the campus and August Town were not flooded from the water the melting of that amount of ice would surely produce.

Selah.